Kitty and the Rocktumbler
by todd fan
Summary: Complete A parody of Disney's 'Beauty and the Beast'
1. Setting the Scene

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Sorry, my identity's a secret. The chicks dig it" -

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As promised, I am begining to re-publish my parodies in non-script format. Perhaps it's because I enjoyed writing them all so much that I don't have any sense of dread in writing them up all over again. For those who have read them, you get to read them all over again, probably with a few extra gags thrown in. For those who haven't...WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!! Ahem, sorry. I know for certain this was my first parody, but as for the order of the others, it's just a stab in the dark. So, without furhter ado, here is the parody of 'Beauty and the Beast', the one that started them all....

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ACT ONE: Setting the Scene.

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The beginings of any story, it is said, need a damn good origin. Well, this is no exception. We see a wonderfull stained glass window, filled with moving pictures.

"And so", sighs Magneto, "I begin the monotonous job of being a damn voice over"

Kurt dressed in a directors suit shakes his head.

"Just do it", he said, "vow it's like deja vu all over again"

Magneto clears his throat.

"Once upon a time, in a farway land", he begins, "a young prince lived in a shining castle......hey, that looks my old lab!".

Kurt groans.

"I don't van't the memories, you evil, evil old man!", he snaps.

"Sorry" coughs Magneto, then carries on narrating, "Although he had everything his heart desired, he was spoiled, selfish and unkind".

Lance speaks up from backstage.

"I resent that", he says, "those accusations are only partly true"

Magneto chooses to ignore him, trying to get his part done as quickly as possible. The window shifts to show a stained-glass Lance opening the door to a stained-glass old beggar woman.

"But then, one winters night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered him a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard apperance, the prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away, but she warned him not to be decived by apperances, for beauty is found within".

We see stained-glass Lance go to slam the door shut.

"Bloody worse than window salesmen", mutters Lance.

"And when he dismised her again, the old womans ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchanteress", continues Magneto.

The stained-glass old woman turns into stained-glass Wanda.

"I'm beautifull", smiles Wanda, then laughs evily.

Lance ponders his situation.

"Oh crap".

....He seems to hit the nail right on the head. Magneto smirks slightly, then continues the tale.

"The prince tried to appologise, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart, and as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast, and placed a powerfull spell on the castle, and all who lived there".

Wanda a little to happily, hits Lance with a hex-bolt.

"You enjoyed that waaaaaay too much", groans Lance, now off camera.

We move away from the window, seeing a pair of big, furry clawed hands rip a portrait of Lance with a growl.

"Ashamed of his monstorous form, the beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world", says Magneto, "The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his twenty-firs...".

Kurt suddenly pops up, whispering in Magneto's ear.

"Oh...", Magneto clears his throat, "Which would bloom until his eighteenth year".

"Hey...now wait a minute....", Lance starts to protest.

We see a lovely red rose, covered by glass, slowly losing it's petals. Magneto continues.

"If he could learn to love another, and earn her love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years past, he fell into dispair, and lost all hope...".

"You would too, have you SEEN this suit?!", shouts Lance from backstage, "I look like a lovechild between Sabertooth and 'My Pet Monster'".

"For who could ever learn to love a beast?", finishes Magneto.

Kurt grins, clapping his hands.

"That's a wrap, people", he says happily, "Mastermind, start getting the illusions on our victi.....I mean, actors".

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And there we go. How do you like it? Does it work in this format, or should I quit while the going's good? Do review, and let me know. Until next time.....


	2. Welcome to Bayville

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Okay folks, show's over. Nothing to see here, show's ... Oh my god! A horrible plane crash! Hey, everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around, crowd around! Don't be shy, crowd around!"

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ACT TWO - Welcome to Bayville

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We open to an idylic sunrise in Bayville. From a small farmhouse Kitty emerges, the birds twiter around her, as she carries a basket.

"What a wonderfull day to burst into song!", says Kitty, before begining to sing.

**Little town, it's a quiet village**

**Every day, like the one before**

**Little town, full of little people**

**Waking up to say.....**

Bobby holds up a hand.

"Wait...we're not in France", he points out, "Should we be singing French?".

"What's wrong with French?", snaps Remy.

"Vill you all just sing!", snaps Kurt.

Various mutant and human villagers begin to sing.

**Bonjour**

**Bonjour**

**Bonjour**

**Bonjour**

**Bonjour**

Kitty walks through Bayville happily. Alex walks past carrying a tray of bread as Kitty continues to sing.

**There goes the baker with his tray, like always**

**The same old bread and rolls to sell**

**Every morning just the same**

**Since the morning that we came**

**To this poor provincial town**

"Reduced to a baker...just because she hates my brother...", mutters Alex moodily, before giving Kitty a fake smile, "Good morning, Kitty".

"Morning Alex", replies Kitty with genuine cheerfullness.

"Where are you off to?", asks Alex as he places his tray on a window ledge.

"The bookshop!", grins Kitty, waving her arms in an animated manner, "I just finished the most wonderfull story, about a beanstalk and an ogre and...".

"What? No physco with an axe? That's boring!", retorts Alex.

"Fine, I'll go then!", grumps Kitty, walking off in a huff as the Bayvillians sing as she passes.

**Look there she goes, that girl is strange, no question**

**Dazed and distracted can't you tell?**

**Never part of any crowd**, sings Jubillee.

**'Cause her heads up on some cloud**, adds Ray.

The Bayvillians once again sing together as Kitty walks through them, ignoring them arguing amongst themselves.

**No denying she's a funny girl that, Pryde**

**Bonjour**, sings Remy

**Good day, **sings Tabby back

**How is your family?, **asks Remy, as politely as one can when singing.

"My mothers still in rehab and my dad is in jail", replies Tabby, crossing her arms.

Remy blinks, backing away.

"Err...never mind".

The Bayvillians continue to argue..they do it alot, get used to it.

**Bonjour**

**Good day**

**How is your wife?**

**I need six eggs**

**That's too expensive**

Kitty sighs, singing as she enters a bookshop.

**There must be more than this provincial life**

Inside the bookshop, Xavier is wheeling around, he smiles as Kitty enters..

"Well hellllooooo. Would you like a book?", he says, "Obviously, because you have come into my bookshop. I don't know how I get them up on the very top shelves, it's a secret".

Kitty blinks, sniffing the air, yup, Xavier's been drinking again.

"Good morning, I have come to return the book I borrowed", she says, handing it over.

"I borrowed you a book?", asks Xavier, confused, "....huh. So, you finished it fast".

"Oh, but I couldn't put it down", smiles Kitty, "Have you got anything new?".

Xavier looks at her pointedly.

"Not since yesterday...no".

Kitty climbs up the ladder and picks up a random book.

"It's okay, I'll borrow this one".

"But you read it twice!", protests Xavier, "and get off my ladder!".

"Well it's my favorite!", sighs Kitty, swinging on the ladder, "Far off places, daring sword fights, magic spells, a prince in disguise...".

"Well if you like it that much, it's yours", says Xavier with a smile, then adds under his breath, "....if you keep borrowing the damn thing, no one will buy it anyway".

"But sir!", starts Kitty.

Xavier opens the door as a hint.

"I inisist".

"Well thank you, thank you very much", Kitty didn't get the hint.

"Yeah yeah, now get out", snaps Xavier, promptly pushing her out and slamming the door behind her.

Kitty sighs, starting on her book, walking past Ray, Roberto and Sam, who begin to sing, as seems to be the norm in this little town.

**Look there she goes**

**That girl is so peculiar**

**I wonder if she's feeling well?**

**With a dreamy far-off look**

**And her nose stuck in a book**

**What a puzzle to the rest of us is Pryde.**

Kitty, still reading her book stops by a fountain to sit, a bunch of sheep walk by and stop by her Kitty sighs, singing to the sheep.

**Oh, isn't this amazing?**

**It's my favorite part because, you'll see**

**Here's where she meets Prince Charming**

**But she won't descover that it's him 'till chapter three!**

Lucas runs after the sheep, chasing them off.

"Move it you lousy balls of wool!", he snaps.

"Vell, at least you have a part this time", points out Kurt, "vhen this vas originally vritten, you hadn't even appeared on ze show!".

Lucas responds with something unrepeatable, walking off. Taryn meanwhile watches from a window, trying to hide her bad wig while singing.

**It's no wonder that her name means 'beauty'..**

"No wait..it doesn't..it means pure...derived from Kathrenos", points out Paul with a nod.

"....I don't care", says Taryn pointedly.

**Her looks have got no parallel**

Duncan nods, joining in.

**But behind that fair facade**

**I'm afraid she's rather odd**

**Very different from the rest of us**

The Bayvillians all sing as one, in a way that is usually only seen on a Broadway production.

**She's nothing like the rest of us**

**Yes different from the rest of us is Pryde**

We see geese fly overhead and a big stone knocks one to the ground. Pyro is stood under it like an idiot with a bag open. He misses the goose and puts it in the bag like nothing happened. He runs over to Colossus.

"Todd Fan vould like to appologise for making Piotr the villian in this production", says Kurt, bamfing onto the stage, "at the time, she did not know him vell, but she though Gaston's clothing looked alot like Piotr's uniform. So..she likes Piotr, and that's...err...that".

He bamfs away as Pyro runs over to Piotr.

"Wow, you didn't miss a shot Piotr", he says, "You're the greatest hunter in the whole world!".

Piotr sighs, trying to get into a mindset he doesn't actually work in.

"I know".

"No modesty doesn't suit you, buddy", he sighs, shaking his head, "No beast alive stands a chance against you...and no girl for that matter".

"It's true, St John, and I've got my sights set on that one", says Piotr, pointing at Kitty as she walks along, reading her book.

Pyro blinks at him like his loopy.

"The inventors daughter?"

We heard a muffled shout from backstage, a thump, and then silence.

"Okay..anyway", Piotr clears his throat, "she's the one. The lucky girl i'm going to marry!".

"But she's....", starts Pyro.

"The most beautifull girl in town!", cuts in Piotr.

"Yeah...but.....".

"And that makes her the best, and don't i deserve the best?", growls Piotr, picking Pyro up and dangling him inches from his face.

"Well of course mate...i mean you do..i mean....please don't hurt me", says Pyro, giving a nervous giggle.

Piotr nods, dropping Pyro on the ground as he sings.

**Right from the moment when I met her, saw her**

**I said she's gorgeous and I fell**

**Here in town there's only she**

**Who is beautifull as me**

**So I'm making plans to woo and marry Kit**

As he goes off after her, Amara, Danielle (who is also new to the cast) and Amanda watch him go by as they are pumping water from a fountain. They sigh, watching him dreamily.

**Look there, he goes, isn't he dreamy?**

**Mister Colossus, oh he's so cute**

**Be still, my heart, I'm hardly breathing**

**He's such a tall, dark, strong and handsome brute**

They lean on the water pump with a sigh, managing to soak Pyro in the process.

"Arrgghhh!", screams Pyro, running around in terror, "WATER!".

The Bayvillians start to sing as Piotr tries to struggle through them, singing with them in an attempt to make them move.

**Bonjour**

**Pardon, **sings Piotr.

**Good day**

**Mais Qui**

**You call this bacon?**

**What lovely grapes**

**Some cheese**

**Ten yards**

**One pound**

**Excuse me**, tries Piotr again.

**I'll get the knife**, sings someone else..which is rather disturbing.

**Please let me through**, sings Piotr, slightly louder.

**This bread**

**Those fish**

**It's stale**

**They smell**

**Madame's mistaken**

Kitty sighs, spinning in a circle.

**There must be more than this provincal life**

Piotr stands in the middle of the villagers, putting his hands on his hips.

**Just watch i'm going to make Kitty my wife**

He gets cut off by all the Bayvillians, he climbs the rooftops after Kitty..which isn't easy for such a large guy. The Bayvillains continue to sing as Kitty gets close to the bridge leading home.

**Look there she goes a girl who's strange but special**

**A most pecuiliar madameoselle**

**It's a pitty and a sin**

**That she doesn't quite fit in**

**But she really is a funny girl**

**A beautifull but funny girl**

**She really is a funny girl, that Pryde!**

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There we go, please do review, until next time....


	3. Genius at work

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "I'm just uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge, over a BOILING LAKE OF LAVA!"

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ACT THREE - Genius at work

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Back in the village, Colossus finally jumps from the roof to land in front of Kitty

"Whaoh..don't sneak up on me like that! What are you trying to do, give me heart failure?!", she snaps, bonking him on the head with the book.

"Hello Kitty", he says with a smile.

"Hello Piotr", she says curtly.

Kitty goes to walks off, only to have Colossus take her book and look through it confusedly. Kitty frowns, holding out her hand.

"Piotr, can i have my book back please?".

"How can you read this? there are no pictures!", Piotr says, then sighs frustratedly, "I really, really hate this character".

"Well, some people use their imaginations", points otu Kitty, "like you...using your imagination to be a good bad guy".

Colossus shrugs and tosses the book into the mud, Kitty goes over to pick it up and clean it

"Kitty, it's about time you got your head out of those books and paid attention to more important things...like me", he says, giving a grin.

"That's better", says Kurt with a nod.

Amara, Dani and Amanda all sigh dreamily.

"The whole town's talking about it", he says, "It's not right for a woman to read, soon she starts getting ideas, and thinking.....".

He grimaces.

"Piotr, you are positively primeval", says Kitty, shaking her head.

Colossus puts his arm around her shoulder.

"Why thank you, Kitty".

Kitty gives him a flat look.

"It wasn't a compliment".

"Hey, whaddaya say you and me take a walk to the tavern and have a look at my hunting trophies". says Piotr, then sighs, "I have to be a killer too? Boize moi!".

"I'm a vegitarian...do you really think that i would do that?", says Kitty with a frown, then gives him a small smile, "Maybe some other time".

"What's wrong with her?", says Amara

"She's crazy!", mutters Dani

"He's gorgeous", sighs Amanda.

Colossus tries to tug her away.

"Please Piotr, I can't. I have to get home and help my father", says Kitty.

Pyro walks up, laughing manically....like he does.

"Ha ha ha. THAT crazy old loon, he needs all the help he can get!".

Colossus and Pyro start to laugh, only to have Kitty hit them both upside the head

"Don't you talk about my father that way!", she chastises.

Colossus stops and hits Pyro

"Yeah, don't talk about her father that way!", he says.

"My father's not crazy", says Kitty moodily, then adds, "He's a geinius!".

There is a big explosion and smoke coming from the small cottage. Kitty mutters under her breath and storms off, leaving Colossus and Pyro laughing. Kitty gets home and enters the basement

"Papa?", she calls out.

Silence

Kurt sighs, bamfing onto the stage.

"Oh for God's sake just play the part!", he growls, dragging Forge onto the stage.

"I am NOT that old!". protests Forge, "I wasn't then and I'm still not now!!".

Kurt narrows his eyes.

"You are avare, Forge", he says pointedly, "that is vas this very parody that made you into one of Todd Fan's favorite characters?"

"Yeah, and put me up for dozen's of fics worth of abuse", mutters Forge.

"JUST ACT!", screams Kurt, bamfing away.

"Fine, fine", grumbles Forge, "How on Earth did that happen? Damn wiggy machine".

"Are you alright, PAPA?", says Kitty, grinning evily.

"Oh, don't you dare rub it in", growls Forge, before giving a freaky looking machine a kick, "I'm about to give up on this hunk of junk".

Kitty rolls her eyes amusedly.

"You always say that".

"I mean it this time", says Forge, waving a threatening finger at said contraption, "I'll never get this boneheaded contraption to work".

"Yes you will", says Kitty matter-of-factly, "And you'll win first prize at the fair tomorow".

"Fairs, fairs are bad!",says Forge, shaking his head, "the whole Middleverse incident happened because of a fair!!!!"

"Forge....ve really aren't sending you back into Middleverse, ve promise", says Kurt with a smile.

Forge crosses his arms and makes a harumph noise

"And become a world famous inventor", adds Kitty in a sing-song voice.

Forge pauses, arching a brow.

"You really belive that?".

"I always have", smiles Kitty.

"Aww touching fake-father-fake-daughte rmoment", sniffs Kurt, before backing off as he gets deadly glares form his actors, "err...carry on".

"Well, what are we waiting for?", says Forge, "I'll have this thing fixed in no time".

He makes his false arm into a drill and slides under the machine, starting to work on it.

"Hand me that dog-legged clencher there", says Forge from under the machine, "...so did you have a good time in town today?".

"I got a new book", says Kitty, fishing out an odd looking tool with spoingy bits, ".....Papa, do you think I'm odd?".

"Do you really want to know the answer to that question?", mutters Forge under his breath, "...I mean my daughter, odd?".

He slides back from under the machine, his false arm a big metal thing with lots of pincers and drills on it, he looks at it shrugs and goes back under

"Where would you get an idea like that?".

"Oh I don't know", sighs Kitty, "I'm just not sure i fit in here. There's no one I can really talk to".

"What about that Piotr?", comes Forge's rather muffled reply as clanging sounds emerge from under the machine, "He's a handsome fella".

"He's handsome alright", says Kitty, crossing her arms, "And rude and concited and..oh Papa, he's not for me".

Backstage, Piotr sniffles.

"I AM NOT CONCITED!!!"

"You are here!", snaps Kurt, "now go avay!".

Back on stage, Forge finally come back out from under the machine.

"Well don't you worry", he reasures her, "'cause this new invention's gonna be the start of a new life for us".

(He his arm to normal).

"I think that's done it. Now, let's give it a try".

"Do we have to?", asks Kitty with a wince, "...really?".

"You people have no faith in me", mutters Forge, "one insy winsey little mistake involving dinosaurs form another dimension terrorising a school dance and I'm no longer trustworthy".

He presses a button before divebombing under a desk. The machine whirrs to life and starts to chop wood

"It works", says Kitty, "...gee didn't see that one coming".

"You want to try putting something together in five minutes?", Forge mutters, "It does?..it does! And no other dimensions involved!".

"You did it, you really did it!", says Kitty happily giving him a hug.

"Please don't hug me", says Forge.

"Sorry, got carried away in the moment", says Kitty, clearing her throat.

"Hitch up Jott, girl. I'm off to the fair!", says Forge, before getting concked on the ehad by a flying log, "owww, hey, that didn't happen last time!"

"Todd Fan vasn't so easy vith causing you physical pain last time", points out Kurt, "she's okay with it now, though".

"Oh...goodie", says Forge sarcastically.

Later on in the day, a pantomine horse is attached to a cart, housing the invention.

"This is so degrading Jean", says the horse head, "I think we are being punished for something. I mean, every time Todd Fan has a horse in a parody form now on, we're it!".

"Think yourself lucky you're the head end, Scott", replies the rear, "The view here isn't great".

Kitty and Forge hit them, shutting them up

"Neigh, neigh", says Jott sarcastically.

"And so a legend is born", sniffs Kurt, "and under my vatch too, I'm so honoured".

"Good bye Papa, good luck!", says Kitty, waving as Forge climbs onto Jott's back.

"My....head", squeaks Jean.

"Goodbye, Kitty. And take care while I'm gone", says Forge, "if the lawyers come by, you know to hide in the crawl space!"

Jott pulls off the carriage and Forge, making wheezing noises as it heads off into the distance

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There's another chappie. Do review. Until next time...


	4. Lost

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Oh, My God! Look, Greg, I've found your mother's heart!"

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ACT FOUR - Lost

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Forge is still in his cart being pulled by Jott, when they get into a dark wood

"We should be there by now", he mutters to himself, "Maybe we missed a turn. I guess I should have taken a...wait a minute".

He makes a torch pop out of his false arm and points it a a sign post that is all faded

"I swear I saw something like this in the Blair Witch movie", grumbles Scott.

"It was worth a shot", says Forge with a shrug, "Lets go this way"

Jott looks between two roads. One is dark, gloomy and overgrown with trees while the other is sunny and pleasant, with birds twittering in the trees...Forge happens to want option number one.

"Are you crazy?", squeaks Scott.

"You NEVER take the dark and gloomy route", points out Jean, "that's how you end up dead!".

Forge zaps them with a stun gun

"Neigh", says Jott.

"Come on Jott. It's a shortcut", says Forge with a nod, moving them in that direction, "We'll be there in no time".

"Or we'll all die firey painfull deaths!", whimpers Scott.

They carry on down the dark path...which gets darker and even more gloomy.

"This can't be right", mutters Forge, "Where have you taken us, Jott?".

"Hey, YOU'RE the one that's supposed to be driving us!", snaps Jean.

"We said to take the other route but noooooooo", says Scott, making the horse head do a strange shaking motion.

"You're supposed to be a horse....", says Forge pointedly.

"Neigh, neigh, neigh". says Jott, "Forge is obviously crazy, he's talking to a horse"

"We'd better turn around", says Forge, trying to turn the cart around.

As he does so, a swarm of bats fly out of a tree, and around JOtt's head.

"Run away!", screams Jott.

Jott pegs it, dragging Forge and the cart with it.

"I'm gonna diiiiieeeeee", screams Forge, clinging on for dear life as Jott nearly plunges them down a cliff, "Back up, back up. Stupid horse".

"Forget this, I'm outta here", says Scott

"Ditto", says Jean, "bye Forge, have a nice life"

Jott bucks Forge off and runs off with the cart into the woods

"That's....not a good thing", says Forge, blinking.

Suddenly Sabertooth, Logan and now X23 all appear, dressed as wolves.

"Fresh meat, fresh meat, fresh meat", they growl in unison.

"Oh...bummer", sums up Forge, making a run for it.

He finally makes it to some castle gates and shakes them

"Help! Is someone there?. THEY'RE GONNA EAT ME!".

"Oh we won't eat you", says Sabertooth, "maybe just..maul ya a little bit"

The gate opens by itself and Forge falls in. He slams the gate in the trio's faces, Sabertooth trying to chew off his foot

"Aww come on, i already have a fake arm!", snaps Forge, giving Sabertooth a kick in the nose.

Forge pulls his leg free and walks off towards the castle, leaving a tie-dye bandanna on the floor as he goes. In enters the castle, the door creaking.

"Yeah...that's ominous", he says, glancing around, "Hello? Hello?. Please don't jump out from the shadows and freak me ouuuuut".

On a table are a Candleabra, which looks alot like Pietro and a Clock, which looks like Todd.

"Old fellow mu....".

"Watch it", snaps Forge, glaring at Pietro.

"Sorry", says Pietro sheepishly, "Ahem. Poor guy must have lost his way in the woods".

"Shut up", says Todd out of the side of his mouth, "Not one word. Maybe he'll go away...like that cat".

"Is someone there?", asks Forge, turning at the sound of voices.

"Not a word Pie", warns Todd, "not ONE word".

"I don't mean to intrude on your pad, but I lost my horse and need somewhere to crash for the night", says Forge, adding a pitifull sigh into the bargin.

Pietro looks at Todd like a kid that has just found a three-legged puppy

"Awwwwww Todd, have a heart. Can we keep him? Pleeeeaaaase?".

"Shusssshhhhh!", hisses Todd.

Todd puts his hand over Pietro's mouth, Pietro uses one of his candles to burn Todd's hand, causing him to cry out, releasing Pietro's mouth.

"Of course buddy, you are welcome to stay here", smiles Pietro.

"Who said that?", says Forge, picking up Pietro to use as a light.

"Over here", says Pietro, tapping Forge on the shoulder.

Forge turns and looks confused, seeing nothing)

"Where?".

Pietro taps Forge on the head. Forge looks up at him

"Allo", grins Pietro in a fake French accent.

Forge looks at him for a second, before throwing him to the floor and making his arm into a drill

"Ahhhhhh! Kill it, kill it!", he yells.

"Well NOW ya've done it Pietro!", snaps Todd, hobbling over, "This is just briliant! An' agggghhhh!".

Forge picks up Todd and starts looking him over

"Far out man. How is this acomplished?".

"Put me down, NOW, before I", Todd glares, "....cause ya.....alot....pain, lots of pain".

Forge keeps messing with Todd, poking and prodding him. He opens up Todd's front and messes with the clock arm.

"Close that at ONCE!. Do you mind!", Todd snaps, closing his front, "Honestly, ya wouldn't like it if I poked and prodded that swiss-army knife you have for an appendage!".

"Sorry dude. I just never saw a clock at", Forge pauses, before wrinkling up his nose, "..ahhh...ahahhh..choooo!".

Forge sneezes on Todd, who uses his clock hands to wipe away his window.

"Okay, gross, even for me", says Todd, trying to squirm free.

"Oh you are soaked to the bone monsuier, come, warm yourself by the fire", smiles Pietro, leading Forge away.

"Thanks dude", snuffles Forge, following.

Todd's eyes widen, hopping as well as a clock can after them.

"No, no, no", he growls, "Do ya know what the master would do if he finds you here?"

We see a shadow move across the balcony as the trio walk into another room

"I demand that ya stop..right..there", Todd falls down the stairs, losing cogs as he does so/

He groans, looking up to see Forge settling down in a big comfy chair

"Oh no, not the masters chair!".

A footstool that looks like Rahne in wolf form runs up

"Woof woof", says Rahne happily.

"I am not seeing this, I am not seeing this!". Todd chants like a mantra, rubbing his eyes.

"Woof woof woof", says Rahne, bouncing on Forge.

"Hello there you groovy little hound dog", says Forge, patting her...er..head.

Rahne settles herself under Forge's feet and a coat-rack gives Forge a blanket

"Alright. This has gone far enough! I'm in charge here an'.....", Todd is interupted as he is mowed down by a tea trolley.

The trolley screeches to a stop next to Forge, on it is a blue teapot that looks like Beast in drag.

"The things I do for my art", mutters Beast, "To think, I have to suffer this hulilation all over again. How would you like a nice spot of tea, sir? It'll warm you up in no time".

He pours some tea into a cup which looks supspisiously like Jamie, who hops into Forge's hand. Todd is still face-down on the carpet.

"No. No tea, no tea!", protests Todd, holding up a hand.

Forge starts to drink from Jamie, who giggles

"His goatee tickles", he says, then pauses, "errr..momma?"

"This is going to be a long fic", sighs Beast.

"Sure is..Mrs Beast", smirks Forge, then blinks at Jamie, "Oh...hello?".

The door suddenly slams open and a strong gust of wind shifts into the room, extingishing the fire and Pietro's candles. Todd dives for cover and Beast shakes. Jamie hides behind Beast

"Uh oh", whispers Jamie.

"What's u'h oh'?". says Forge, wide eyed.

A beast that looks like Lance in a suit stalks in.

"There is a stranger here", he growls.

Pietro hobbles over, relighting his flames

"Ughhh, can't belive i have to call YOU this, here goes", he mutters, before taking a deep breath, "Master, allow me to explain. The gentleman was lost in the woods and we was cold and wet....".

Lance gives a loud roar, putting out Pietro's flames again. Todd crawls out from under the carpet

"Master, i'd like ta take this moment ta say..", Todd breaks down, "I was against this from the start!. It was all his fault. I tried ta stop them, but would they listen to me? no no no!".

Lance roars again, silencing him. Forge peeks over the top of the chair

"Err...hi Mr Scary Thing", he says with a nervous laugh.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?!", growls Lance.

Forge gives a squeak and falls off the chair, back pedalling away from Lance

"I was lost in the woods and..and....".

"You are not welcome here!", snaps Lance.

"I gathered", says Forge, "Sorry...I'll split....".

"What are you staring at?", says Lance suddenly.

"Somebody's paranoid", sings Kurt.

"Nothing", says Forge, "Nothing at all. Not the big huge monster that wants to kill me...that's for sure".

"So, you've come to stare at the beast have you?!", snarls Lance

"He's not looking at me", points out Hank, rather unhelpfully.

"Look, I'm sorry man, I just wanted a place to stay....", starts Forge.

"I'll give you a place to stay!", growls Lance, dragging Forge off.

"Something tells me not to expect five star accomadation", sighs Forge defeatedly.

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There's another chapter done and dusted. Do review. Until next time...


	5. A proposal

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Lets just plop them in front of the TV. I was raised in front of the TV and I turned out TV."

----------------

Hey all, sorry this is so late, soon I shall be done with all this uni work, then I can write again. And what lesson has Todd Fan learned? Try to write the bloody things the moment she gets them instead of trying to fit them all into the space of three weeks. Ahem, yes...

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ACT FIVE - A proposal

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We see Forge and Kitty's cottage, where Colossus and Pyro are watching from the grass

"Heh, oh boy". grins Pyro, rubbing his hands together, "Kitty's gonna get the surprise of her life, huh, Piotr?".

"Yep, this is her lucky day". says Piotr with a grin, standing.

He walks off, letting a branch hit Pyro in the back of the head, knocking him to the ground. Pyro groans, sitting up before following the metal guy. They get to a clearing, where a band and wedding guests are assembled

"I'd like to thank you all for coming to my wedding", says Piotr, "But first I better go in there and...propose to the girl!".

We see everyone laugh, bar Amara, Danielle and Amanda, who are crying.

"Now, you Pyro", says Piotr, turning to his sidekick, "when Kitty comes out that door....".

"Oh, I know! I know!", says Pyro excitedly, "I strike up the band!".

He starts the band up, who play the wedding march, Colossus slams a barritone over Pyro's head

"Not yet, you idiot!". he growls.

"Sorry", comes a muffled Austrailian reply.

Inside the cottage, Kitty is reading her book. She looks up at a knock on the door and gets up. She pulls down a viewing device and groans when she sees Colossus. She opens the door with a sigh, putting on a fake smile.

"Piotr, what a pleasant...surprise", she says with a grimace.

"Isn't it though?", says Piotr, striding in, "I'm just full of surprises. You know, Kitty, there's not a girl in town who wouldn't love to be in your shoes. This is the day....".

He pauses, looking at himself in a mirror before looking back at her.

"Again, I am really not this vain!", says Piotr, before clearing his throat, "This is the day your dreams come true".

"What do you know about my dreams, Piotr?", says Kitty, rolling her eyes.

"Plenty", says Piotr, "Here, picture this...".

He plops down onto a chair and puts his muddy feet up on the table, soaking her book. He kicks off his books, while Kitty watches with a disgruntled look

"A rustic hunting lodge, my latest kill roasting on the fire, and my little wife, massaging my feet", Piotr wriggles his feet, "while the little ones play with the dogs. We'll have six or seven".

"Dogs?", tries Kitty, prying her book loose.

"No, Kitty", says Piotr, standing up, "Strapping boys, like me!".

"There are equal chances of you getting girls as you have b....", starts Kitty.

"And do you know who that little wife will be?", grins Piotr.

"Let me think.....", mutters Kitty, putting her book away.

"You, Kitty". says Piotr joyfully, cornering her.,

Kitty ducks under Colossus' arms

"Pitor, i'm speechless. I really don't know what to say....", she says, trying to avoid him.

Colossus stumbles over some chairs and stuff before cornering Kitty by the door

"Say you'll marry me", he says.

Kitty starts to reach for the door handle

"I'm very sorry, Pitor", she says, releasing the handle, "but I just don't deserve you".

She opens the door, ducking under Colossus, so he falls out into the mud. The band begin to play the wedding march, as Kitty opens the door again, tossing Colossus' boots outside before slamming it shut again. Pyro cuts off the band and Colossus sits up, a pig on his head. The pig squeals and falls off him.

"Stupid question I know", says Pyro, giving him a poke, "...but how did it go?".

Colossus gives a snarl, picking up Pyro

"I will have Kitty as my wife, make no mistake about that!", he snaps, dropping Pyro in the mud and storming off.

"Tooooooouchy!", says Pyro, waving his arms.

The rest of the party move off and Kitty peeks outside again.

"Is he gone?", she asks a chicken, "Can you imagine, he asked me to marry him? Me, the wife of that....".

She shakes her head, walking into a paddock of goats, kicking over a bucket, beginigng to sing.

**Madame Piotr, can't you just see it?**

**Madame Piotr, his little wife?**

**No sir, not me, I guarentee it**

**I want much more than this provincal life**

She feeds the animals before running into a field, looking at the wide valley of...err..Bayville bellow her, singing.

**I want adventure in the great wide somewhere**

**I want it more than I can tell**

She sighs, sitting down, pucking up a dandelion, letting it loose into the wind, singing quietly.

**And for once it might be grand**

**To have someone understand**

**I want so much more than they've got planned......**

Suddenly Jott runs into the field, still attached to the cart

"Big nasty teeth", screams Scott.

"Bats, bats!", screams Jean.

"Jott?", says Kitty, sitting up, "What are you doing here? Where's papa?"

"Ohhhhh...", Scott clears his throat, "darn, I knew we forgot something".

"Where is he, Jott?", asks Kitty with a frown, "What happened?".

"We may have left him to be eaten by three mean nasty feral mutants", says Jean sheepishly, "sorry. Best to move on".

"Oh, we have to find him, you have to take me to him!, says Kitty, unhitching Jott's cart, jumping on his/her back.

"Back in those scary woods?", says Scott, "You gotta be kidding me!".

Kitty gives Jott a swift kick, before galloping off towards the woods.

There we go, please do review...please


	6. A deal

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Clamping Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, our road tax dodging friend".

Thanks to all my reviewers. No Pyromaniac, Sid won't be in this one, i'm afraid, she's too busy in 'Thicker than Water' :D

ACT SIX - A deal

Kitty had finally got to the castle with Jott.

"What is this place?", she murmers to herself.

"A creepy scary place", replies Scott, "I wanna go home!".

"Yeah....we can always get another Forge", says Jean, "give this one up for lost".

Kitty gives her horse a 'loving' smack across the head as she gets off, walking through the gate. She stops, picking up Forge's tie-dye banadanna.

"There's only one man in the world who still wears things like this in Bayville", she says, "Papa"

"Oh look that that, he's been eaten, too bad", says Scott, "lets go home".

Kitty gives Jott a smack before entering the castle, looking for Forge

"Hello? Is anoyone there?", she calls, "Papa?".

Inside, Todd and Pietro are bickering

"Couldn't keep quiet, could we?", rants Todd, "Just had ta invite him ta stay, didn't we? Serve him tea, sit in the masters chair, pet the pooch!".

"I was trying to be hospitible". replies Pietro with a shrug.

Inside the kitchen, Beast is cleaning up lots of little cups. Jamie hops over

"Momma there's a girl in the castle!", he says excitedly, before shuddering, "calling you that is so very, very wrong"

Now, Jamie, I won't have you making up any wild stories", says Beast, pouring himself, tipping hot water into a bowl.

"No, really, momma, I SAW her!", protests Jamie.

"Not another word", rpelied Beast, "now into the tub".

He dunks Jamie into the bowl of water. Suddenly, a brown feather duster with a white streak running along her comes in...she passes a resembalance to Rogue.

"A'h hate this part, a'hm alergic to dust bunnies", Rogue mutters, before grinning, "A girl! A girl in the castle!".

"See I told ya", says Jamie, poking his errrr head out of the water, "Just because I'm little doesn't mean I'm not right".

Elsewhere in the castle, Todd and Pietro are STILL bikering, Pietro making his candles move like Todd's mouth as he speaks and pulling a face

"Irrisponsible, devil-may-care, waxy-eared, slack-jawed...", says Todd.

"Papa?".

The two blink at the voice, then look around the corner to see Kitty looking for Forge.

"Did you see that? It's a girl!!!!", grins Pietro.

"You don't say!", replied Todd sarcastically, "I know it's a girl...and you are a candelabra...I don't think you're compatable".

"Not for me!", growls Pietro, "Don't you see?. She's the one. The girl we have been waiting for. The girl who will break the spell! Whoooot, feet, here I come!".

He bounces off after her, Todd close behind

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!", he hisses under his breath.

They sneak up behind Kitty and open the door to the tower where Forge is being kept. The door creaks and Kitty walks towards it

"Papa?", Kitty calls out again

Todd hides behind the door while Pietro rushes up the stairs before her, hiding on a shelf and watching her

"Papa, Papa? Hello, is someone there?", she calls, the hears Pietro move, spinning around, looking around her in confusion, "Wait!, I'm looking for my father I...".

Pietro quickly takes the form of a normal candelabra

"That's funny. I'm sure there was someone", she murmers under her breath, "..... Is...is anyone there?".

"Kitty?", comes Forge's echoy voice, "hey cool, echo echo echo"

Kitty rushes up to the cell to find him attempting to break out of his cell with his arm, to no avail. He changes his arm back and sighs

"You know, it took you long enough, lazy good for nothing", he mutters,

"Oh Papa!", says Kitty, then frowns, "you'd rather I leave you here?, 'cause I can!"

"Guys, lets try to be civil to one another, please", sighs Kurt.

"How did you find me?", asks Forge.

"Oh, your hands are like ice", says Kitty, ignoring his question, holding onto one of his hands.

"Actually, that's my false, metal one", points out Forge.

"Oh...that explains it", says Kitty, dropping his arm with a thunk, clearing her throat, "We have to get you out of here".

"Kitty, you have to leave this place". says Forge, glancing around warily, "he's worse than Normal Bates. You check in, but you don't check out, man!!!"

"Who's done this to you?", she asks.

"No time to explain, you must go, now", says Forge, "I mean it!. Exercising fatherly rights here".

"I won't leave you", says Kitty stubbornly.

Suddenly, Lance grabs Kitty by the shoulder and wheels her around. She drops her torch, extinguishing it, the only light source now being a ray of light from a sky light

"What are you doing here?!", snarls Lance.

"Run, Kitty!", shouts Forge, "run like the wind!!!"

"Who's there?", she calls out, "Who are you?".

"The master of this castle", growls Lance, hidden by shadow.

"I've come for my father. Please let him out", pleads Kitty, "Can't you see he's sick?".

"Here's me being sick", says Forge, "Cough, cough".

"Then he shouldn't have trespassed here". snarls Lance.

"But he could die!". says Kitty

"Still in the room", mutters Forge, "I can hear every word"

"Please, I'll do anything!", begs Kitty

"Anything?", asks Lance.

**Anything for you!**, sings Kitty (1)

"Wrong musical", groans Kurt, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Sorry. There's nothing you can do", growls Lance, "He's my prisoner!".

"Lucky me", says Forge dryly, "I feel so loved and wanted".

"Oh there must be some way I can", Kitty pauses, "....wait! Take me instead".

"You!", Lance sneers, before pausing, "......you would take his place?".

"That's it, she's finally gone wiggy", says Forge, "Kitty, no, you don't know what you're doing!".

"If I did, would you let him go?", says Kitty.

"Yes, but you must promise to stay here forever", says Lance.

"See, what did I tell you?", says Forge, "I bet he has his dead mother on some rocking chair in the attic".

"Come into the light", says Kitty, narrowing her eyes.

Lance does so, revealing himself as a beast, Kitty gasps,

"Is that what you'd look like if you didn't shave?", she asks.

"Funny", says Lance, "you're a real comedian"..

Kitty bites her lip, hanging her head.

"No, Kitty, I won't let you do this!", tries Forge..again.

"You have my word", says Kitty quietly.

"Are words coming out of my mouth here?", says Forge, crossing his arms.

"Done!". growls Lance as Kitty drops to the floor sadly.

Lance unlocks the door, yanking Forge out

"Hey, easy on the mood ring!", snaps Forge, before wincing, "Man, do I have to say this line?".

"Ja", says Kurt with a smirk.

"Next time I'll read a script before I sign up for a fic", mutters Forge, "No, Kitty, listen to me I'm..ugh.. old, I've lived my life...".

"See, that vasn't so hard now, vas it?", smiles Kurt plesantly.

"Bite me, blue boy", snaps Forge.

Lance grabs Forge by the sruff of his shirt and drags him off

"Wait!", shouts Kitty, "wait!"

Lance ingores her, dragging Forge outside.

"No, please spare my...err...daughter", says Forge.

"She is no longer your concern!", snarls Lance, shoving Forge into a pallenquin, which comes alive, "Take him to the village!".

The pallenquin starts to gallop off towards the villiage.

"Please let me out, please", says Forge, "....I get pallenquin sickness".

Kitty watches this from her tower and starts to cry. On the stairs on the way back up, Lance is stopped by Pietro

"Master?"

"What!", snarls Lance.

Pietro looks sheepishly to the ground.

"Since the girl is going to be with us for quite some time", he says, "I was thinking that you might want to offer her a more comfortable room".

Lance growls at him, flickering his candles

"Then again..maybe not", says Pietro with a nervous laugh.

Lance mutters to himself and enters the cell, where Kitty is still crying

"You didn't even let me say goodbye", she sobs, glraring at him, "I'll never see him again. I didn't get to say goodbye".

Lance winces, starting to feel more than slightly guilty.

"I'll......show you to your room", he mutters.

"My room?", asks Kitty, confused, "But I thought....".

"You wanna stay in the tower?", snarls Lance, gesturing around him.

"No", admits Kitty.

"Then follow me", growls Lance.

He leads her along the coridors, using Pietro to lead the way. Kitty glances at all the scary sculptures before gasping and running after Lance. Pietro taps Lance on the head and leans in to whisper to him.

"Say something to her".

"Hmm?, says Lance, "Oh....I...hope you like it here".

"Yeah, right I'm a prisoner without a father, I'll be just peachy", mutters Kitty.

He glances at Pietro, who gestures him to carry on

"The castle is your home now, you can go anywhere you wish", says Lance, then adds quickly, "EXCEPT the west wing".

"What's in the west wing?", asks Kitty.

"It's forbiden!", snarls Lance.

He opens a door, letting her into her room

"Now, if there's anything you need", he says, "My SERVANTS will attend to you".

"Yeah, rub it in", mutters Pietro, "Dinner, invite her to dinner".

"You will join me for dinner", growls Lance, "that's not a request!".

He slams the door closed, leaving Kitty alone and sobbing on the bed

"Real smoothe, Romeo", says Pietro, sarcastically clapping.

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(1) - Yes, this joke was in it before. There's an aouthors note because I FINALLY got to see a musical, in a theatre! And it was Oliver! Yey!...Regular readers will understand my glee.

You like? Then review. You hate? Still review! Until next time....


	7. A plot, an evil plot

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Wear this, and you'll have to beat the men off with a stick" "I don't need a stick".

ACT SEVEN - A plot, a evil plot.

In a tavern in the village, Colossus is dorowning his sorrows with Pyro by his side.

"Who does she think she is?", he rants, sitting on his chair near the fire, "That girl has tangled with the wrong man. No one says 'no' to Piotr!".

"Darn right!", says Pyro, suprisingly cheerfull.

"Dismissed. Rejected. Publicly humiliated", Piotr sighs sadly, "Why, it's more than I can bear".

He grabs the beer kegs Pyro was holding, tossing them into the fire.

"More Four X?", asks Pyro helpfully.

Colossus mutters something about Autralians and beer and turns his chair away from Pyro

"What for?", he moans, "Nothing helps. I'm disgraced".

"Who?, you?. Never. Piotr, you've got to pull yourself together, mate".

"...Oh God, you're going to sing, aren't you?", moans Piotr.

"Yes, yes I am", says Pyro...and does.

**Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Piotr**

**Looking so down in the dumps**

Pyro pulls Piotr's face into a smile....Piotr promptly punches the singing Austrailian across the room.

**Every guy here'd love to be you, Piotr**

**Even when taking your lumps**

All the men of the bar raise their glasses in agreement, as Pyro continues to sing....giving Piotr a noogie.

**There's no man in town as admired as you**

**You're everyone's favorite guy**

**Everyone's awed and inspired by you**

Pyro spins Piotr chair to face the room.

**And it's not very hard to see whhhhhyyyyyy**

Dani, Amanda and Amara lean on him and sigh, as Pyro sings.

**No one's slick as Piotr, no one's quick as Piotr**

**No one's neck's as incredibly thick like Piotr**

He yanks a belt from around Gauntlet's waist as the green-skinned one tries to make a pass at Viper. Guantlet blinks as his trousers promptly fall down, as Pyro wraps the belt around Piotr's neck. Piotr blinks, changing into his metal form, the belt snapping under the strain.

**For there's no man in town half as manly**

**Perfect, a pure paragon**

He jumps onto Sam, Ray and Tabby's heads.

**You can ask any Sam, Ray or Tabby**

**And they'd tell you who's team they'd prefer to be oooooonnnn**

Sam, Ray and Tabby promptly grab Pyro, tossing him around the room as they sing drunkenly.

"Drunkenly?", sayd Kurt, popping up, "I thought ve had non alchoholic beer here!"

"I wanted something different, so bite me!", snaps Logan, pulliing off his wolf costume, downing a beer.

**No one's been like Piotr, a king-pin like Piotr**, sing the drunks.

Pyro hops up and points at Colossus' face, singing.

**No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Piotr**

Piotr grins, standing up and flexing his metal muscles.

**As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating,** he sings.

**My what a guy that Piotr**

**Give five hurrahs, give twelve hip-hips**, sing the drunks.

**Piotr is the best and the rest are all drips!**, sings Pyro, accidentally soaking Piotr in beer.

"HE WASTED BEER!", screams Logan, "KILL HIM!!!"

Pyro meeps as Piotr happily socks him one, the drunks still singing drunkenly.

**No one fights like Piotr, douses lights like Piotr**

Colossus bites Bobby's leg

"Owww!Geez!", snaps Bobby.

**In a wrestling match nobody bites like Piotr**, he whimpers.

"Sorry", says Piotr, "Kurt made me do it...if it makes you feel better, I did not enjoy it"

"Gee, I feel so good now, thanks", says Bobby dryly.

**For there's no one as burly or brawny**, sing Dani, Amanda and Amara from their seat on a bench.

**As you see I've got biceps to spare**, sings Piotr, picking up the bench..and three girls.

**Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny**, sings Pyro.

**That's right, and every last inch of me's covered in steel**, sings Piotr.

".....Thanks for sharing", winces Kurt as the drunks sing again.

**No one hits like Piotr, matches wits like Pitor**

We see Colossus attempting to play chess against Xavier, not being bale to make a move, he crushes the chess board into pieces

"Oh......poo", says Xavier with a sigh.

**In a spitting match nobody spits like Piotr**, sings Pyro.

Piotr chews up a belt in his mouth while singing.

**I'm especially good at expactorating! Phootey**

He spits the belt part into a spitoon, which smacks Pyro on the ehad. The drunks happily sing, holding up scorecards.

**Ten points for Piotr**

Colossus grabs some eggs and starts juggling them

**When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs **

**Every morning to help me get large**

He swallows them, shells and all

**And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs**

**So I'm roughly the size of a barge**

**No one shoots like Piotr, makes those beauts like Piotr**, sing the drunks as Piotr shoots a beer keg, releasing it's contents for the drunks.

**Then goes stomping around wearing boots like Piotr**, sing Pyro, as Piotr does so...in his big boots.

**I use antlers in all of my decorating**, sings Piotr, waving at the hunting trophies on the wall.

"Todd Fan vould like to take this oportunity to point out she disagrees with hunting", says Kurt, "thank you"

"I do too!", points out Piotr, "I'd rather decorate with my drawings of flowers and ponies!"

"............................", say the drunks.

"Never mind", he sighs.

**My what a guy, Piotr**, sing the drunks.

As they wave their hands in the big finallie, Forge falls through the door, looking like the hounds of hell are after him.

"Awww...he ruined my song", whines Pyro.

"Someone help me, please!", says Forge panicky.

"Forge?", says Gambit, blinking.

"No, it's Inspector Gadget", says Forge dryly, "yes, Forge! Please, please. I need your help. He's got her!. He's got her locked in a dungeon!".

"Who?", asks Evan

"Kitty. We have to go now, man!", says Forge, pointing at the door.

"Whoah, slow down, Forge", says Piotr, "Who's got Kitty locked up in a dungeon?".

"A beast", says Forge, gesturing wildly with his arms, "A monstourous horrible beast..with a bad hairstyle!".

Everyone stares at him for a second, before bursting out laughing

".......It's high school all over again", sighs Forge.

"Is it a big beast?", smirks Bobby

"Huge!", says Forge, not catching the sarcasm.

"With a long, ugly snout?", says Ray, putting his beer glass to his mouth to make a snout.

"Yeah, it's wiggy man", says Forge.

"And sharp, cruel fangs?", asks Alex.

"What part of 'monstourous horrible beast' did you NOT understand?", mutters Forge, "Will you help me?".

"All right, old man", smiles Piotr, "We'll help you out".

"You will? Oh thank you, tha...", Forge pauses, "wait..what did you just call me?".

The drunks grab Forge and toss him out into the snow, slamming the door behind him

"A simple 'no' would suffice", calls out Forge.

"Crazy 'ol Forge, he's always good for a laugh", snorts Tabby.

"Crazy 'ol Forge mmmmm?", ponders Piotr, "Crazy 'ol Forge, hmmm".

"'Crazy 'ol Forge' can hear you!!!", shouts Forge, "I'll come after you and your children!!!"

Piotr ignores him, gesturing Pyro over, singing.

**Pyro, I'm afraid I've been thinking**

**A dangerous pastime**, sings Pyro.

**I know**, aggrees Piotr.

**But that wacky old coot is Kitty's father**

**And his sanity's only so-so**

"I heard that, Tin-Man", shouts Forge from outside, "You want to come out here and tell me that? I'll melt you into scrap iron!"

Piotr pretends he doesn't hear him, continuing.

**Now the wheels in my head have been turning**

**Since I looked at that looney old man**

**See I promised myself I'd be married to Kitty**

**And right now i'm evolving a plan!**

He grabs Pyro and starts to whisper in his ear

"If I...".

"Yes?".

"Then I....".

"No, would she?".

"....Guess!".

"Now I get it!", grins Pyro.

"Lets go", they both say, starting to waltz around the room, the height difference making it very commical

(They both start to waltz around the room).

**No one plots like Piotr, takes cheap shots like Piotr**

**Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Piotr**, sings Pyro.

The drunks raise their glasses, singing.

**So his marriage we soon will be celebrating**

**My what a guy, Piotr!**

They all starts to party, while Forge sits out in the snow, muttering

"Looney old man, I'll show him loo....", he mutters.

"Line!", hisses Kurt.

"Will nobody help me, boo hoo, oh woe is me", says Forge in monotone.

"...There vas no need for that attitude", sighs Kurt, "cut"

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And there we go, this chapter has REALLY been upgraded, wooot!


	8. Love advice

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine."

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ACT EIGHT - Love advice

-----------

Back in the castle, Kitty is still crying on her bed, she looks up at a knock on the door

"Who is it?".

"It's Mrs Beast dear", comes Hank's voice, "...God that sounds so very wrong...I thought you might like a spot of tea".

Kitty opens the door and Beast, Jamie and a few bits of a tea set hops into the room, Kitty watches, shocked.

"Walking, living household objects....that's not a good thing to see!", she says, backing into a blue wardrobe.

"Oooof. Carefull", says Mystique cheerfully, then mutters, "...stupid little...".

Kitty makes a squeaky sound and sits down on the bed

"This is impossible!", she whispers.

Mystique chuckles and leans her 'shoulder' on the bed, making Kitty go up in the air slightly

"I know it is, but here we are", she says with a shrug.

"Told ya she was pretty mamma, didn't I?", says Jamie.

"For the love of all things holy, get a girl your own age!", snaps Kitty.

"You'll sing a different tune when I'm grown up and rugged and handsome and a detective", retorts Jamie (1)

"All right Jamie, that'll do..and stop calling me mamma!", snaps Hank.

He pours some tea into Jamie and Jamie hops of to Kitty

"Slowly now, don't spill", says Hank.

"Thank you", says Kitty, picking Jamie up, about to take a sip when he stops her.

"Hey, wanna see me do a trick?", he grins.

"Errr....okay", says Kitty

Jamie takes a deep breath, puffs out his cheeks and makes bubbles appear in the cup

"Jamie!", snaps Hank.

"Ooops, sorry", says Jamie sheepishly

".....I don't think I'll be drinking anymore", says Kitty, putting Jamie down.

Beast rolls his eyes before looking at Kitty.

"That was a brave thing you did, my dear", he says.

"We all think so", says Mystique with a nod.

"But Ive lost my father, my dreams, everything", sighs Kitty.

"Mmmm..guy with a ray gun", says Mystique, then notices everyone staring at her , "....sorry, I'll stop now".

"Okay...", says Hank, "Cheer up child, it'll turn out all right in the end, you'll see. Ooops, look at me, jabbering on when there's a supper to get on the table. Jamie!".

As Beast goes off, Jamie follows him.

"Bye!", says Jamie cheerfully.

Mystique and Kitty watch them leave, Mystique turns to Kitty

"Well now, what shall we dress you in for dinner? Lets see what i've got in my drawers".

"I already know that..can I go?", asks Sabertooth from backstage.

"Shut up you!", hisses Mystique.

Mystique opens up one of her drawers and moths flutter out, she slams it shut

"Yup, that happened before too", says Sabertooth.

"Two words", growls Mystique, "flea bath".

She opens another door and pulls out a pink dress

"Ah, there, you'll look ravishing in this one".

"That's very kind of you, but I'm not going to dinner", says Kitty.

"That's..not good", mutters Mystique, then blinks at her, "but you must!".

Todd pokes his head around the door

"Ahem, dinner is served", he says,

Elsewhere in the castle, Lance is pacing on all fours in front of the fire, Beast and Pietro watching.

"What's taking her so long?!", growls Lance, "I told her to come down. Why isn't she here yet?!".

"Oh try to be patient, sir.", sighs Hank, "The girl has lost her father and her feedom all in one day".

"Uhh, master", says Pietro, "Have you thought that, perhaps, this girl could be the one to break the spell?".

"Of course I have!", snaps Lance, "I'm not a fool!".

"Good", grins Pietro, "You fall in love with her, she falls in love with you, and **poof **the spell is broken!. We'll be human...err mutant again by midnight".

"Oh, it's not that easy Pietro", points out Hank, "These things take time".

"But the rose has already begun to wilt", sighs Pietro.

"It's no use", mutters Lance, "She's so beautifull and I'm so...well look at me!".

His servants wisely choose to look elsewhere.

"You must help her to see past that", says Hank.

"I don't know how". sighs Lance.

"Tee hee, you're a loser", snickers Pietro.

"Not helping, Pietro", growls Hank, "Well, you can start by making yourself more presentable".

"I've been telling him that for years", says Pietro, rolling his eyes, "but does he listen to the style guru that is I? Nope!"

"Ahem!", says Hank, "Straighten up, try to act like a gentleman".

Lance nodds, straightening himself up and putting on a noble face

"Ah, yes, when she comes in, give her a dashing debonair smile", says Pietro, gesturing with his hands like you would an infant, "Come, come, show me the smile".

Lance grins, showing a teethfull of fangs

"Aghhhhhhh, kill it!", screams Pietro.

"But don't frighten the poor girl", puts in Hank.

"Impress her with your rapier wit", says Pietro

"But be gentle", intones Hank.

"Shower her with compliments", grins Pietro

"But be sincere", says Hank

Lance holds his head, the ground begining to tremble as he tries to get it all in.

"But above all", says Pietro

"You must control your temper!", they both say at once.

The door creaks open

"Here she is", grins Pietro.

Lance looks hopefully at the door. Todd enters, looking sheepish

"Ummm......good evening", he says Nervously.

"Well....where is she?!", growls Lance.

Todd looks around and gives a nervous laugh

"Who? Oh, the girl. Yes, the, ah, girl.Heh heh", he looks around nervously, "Well actually, she's in the process of, ah, um, circumstances being what they are, ah....she's not coming".

"WHAT?!!!", roars Lance.

The door slams open and Lance charges out, growling, the others giving chase, the ground shaking

"Your grace, your enimense, Let's not be hasty!", whimpers Todd, following after him, "Stop shaking the house!"

Lance runs up to Kitty's room, banging on the door

"I thought i told you to come down for dinner!", he shouts

"I'm not hungry!", comes Kitty's muffled reply.

"You come down, or I'll...", Lance growls, "I'll break down the door!".

"Err...master? That might not be the best way to win the girl's affections", tries Pietro

"Please, attempt ta be a gentleman", sighs Todd.

"But she is being so DIFFICULT!", Lance says, shooting a glare at the door.

"Gently, gently", says Hank.

"Fine", growls Lance, then tries in his most gentlemanly voice, "Will you come down for dinner?".

"No!".

Lance gestures at the door pointedly.

"Suave, genteel", smiles Todd.

Lance pulls a face, trying to look formal, he bows at the closed door

"It would give me great pleasure if you joined me for dinner", he mutters.

"Ahem, ahem", says Todd, "we say 'please'".

"We do?", says Pietro, "I never knew that!"

"....Please", tries Lance through gritted teeth.

"No, thank you!", replies Kitty.

The house shakes again

"You can't stay in there forever!", shouts Lance.

"Yes, I can!", shouts Kitty.

"Fine, then go ahead and STARVE!", roars Lance, then glares ar his servants, "If she doesn't eat with me, then she doesn't eat at all!".

Lance storms off angrilly, leaving the others blinking

"That didn't go very well at all, did it?", says Hank, stating the obvious.

"You think?", replies Pietro.

"Pietro, stand watch at the door and inform me if there is the slightest change", orders Todd, "oooh it's GOOD to be the boss!"

"You're not the boss of me" grumbles Pietro, strating to march back and forwards in front of Kitty's door.

"Well, I guess we'd better head upstairs and start cleaning up", sighs Todd.

In Lance's lair, he is smashing everything up

"I ask nicely, but she refuses. What a...what does she want me to do? Beg?!", he rants to himself.

He grabs a mirror from the side and stares at it

"Show me the girl".

The mirror shows a picture of Kitty and Mystique talking

"Why, the master's not so bad once you get to know him", assures Mystique, "Why don't you give him a chance?".

"I don't want to get to know him!", sobs Kitty, "I don't want to have anything to do with him!".

Lance sighs, putting the mirror down

"I'm just fooling myself. She'll never see me as anything....but a monster", he says sadly, looking at the rose in the jar as a petal drops off, "It's hopeless".

He gives a sigh and puts his head in his hands

--------

(1) - Those that don't read the comics, FOR SHAME!, ahem, Jamie is currently a private detective in his own series 'Madrox'....which is BEYOND awesome....in that film noir kinda way.

Anyway, there's another act down. Do review. Until next time....


	9. Singing for dinner

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "She's amazing! She makes the women I dream about look like short, fat, bald men".

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ACT NINE - Singing for dinner.

---

Kitty quietly leaves her room, walking past a curtain where three spots of light are and some giggling. Pietro comes out, chasing Rogue

"Oh no". giggles Rogue

"Oh yes". grins Pietro

"I said NO, damnit!", snaps Rogue.

"Oh yes, yes, yes", laughes Pietro, ignoring her.

"I have been burned by you before", says Rogue

"Badumpump!", says Kurt.

Pietro grabs Rogue in his arms and purrs at her, then notices Kitty, dropping Rogue on the floor.

"Zut alors! She has emerged!", says Pietro.

"Oww...on floor here", mumbles Rogue

In the kitchen, Hank is putting the cups and kitchen utensils to bed. Todd is there, as is a stove which looks remarkably like Freddy

"Come on, Jamie. Into the cuboard with your brothers and sisters", says Hank

"I'm sure there's a law against putting your child in a cupboard", mutters Jamie, before yawning, "But I'm not sleepy".

"Yes you are", says Hank

"No i'm no..zzzzzzz".

"I work and I slave all day, and for what?", shouts Freddy, looking sadly at his uneaten food, "A culinary masterpiece gone to waste".

"Wow, those are big words for you Freddy", wistles Todd.

"Shut it. Ticky!", snaps Freddy.

"Oh, stop your grousing", says Hank, "It's been a long night for all of us".

"Well, if ya ask me, she was just bein' stubborn!", grumbles Todd, "After all, the master did say 'please'".

"But if the master doesn't learn to control his temper", points out Hank, "he'll never break the sp....".

Hank stops as Kitty comes in, Todd cutting him off

"Splendid to see you out and about Mademoiselle. I am Todd, head of the household...".

Pietro speeds in knocking him away and kissing Kitty's hand

"An' this is Pietro", mutters Todd.

"En chante, cherie". says Pietro, throwing her one of his dashing smiles.

Todd tries to talk over Pietro as he continues to kiss Kitty's hand.

"If there's anything", he gives a frustrated sigh, "stop that!...that we can..please!".

He pushes Pietro off Kitty

"...Ta make your stay more comfortable".

Pietro burns Todd's hands to get him out of the way

"Oww!", snapes Todd, jumping out of the way.

"I am a little hungry", smiles Kitty.

"You are? You hear that? She's hungry", shouts Hank, the kitchen items coming to life, "Stoke the fire, break out the silverware, wake the china".

"I'm stoking, already", grumbles Freddy.

"Remember what the master said....", protests Todd.

"Oh pish tosh. I'm not going to let the poor child go hungry", says Hank stubbornly.

"Pish Tosh?", blinks Todd, "Oh, all right. A glass of water, a crust of bread an' then....".

"Todd, i'm surprised at you", chides Pietro, "She's not our prisoner. She's our guest! We must make her feel welcome here. Right this way mademoiselle".

Pietro begins to lead Kitty into another room.

"Well keep it down", whispers Todd, "If the master find out about this, it will be our necks!".

"Of course, of course", says Pietro, then returns with a wicked grin, "But what is dinner, without a little...music?".

He goes thorgh the swinging door, catapulting Todd into the wall

"MUSIC?!!!!", screams Todd.

In the dining room, Kitty is settled down at the head of the table, it all goes dark and a spotlight falls on Pietro

"Ma chere, mademoiselle. It is with deepest pleasure and greatest pride that I welcome you tonight. And now, we invite you to relax. Let us pull up a chair, as the dining room proudly presents...your dinner".

He clears his throat, ready for his big singing number.

**Be our guest, be our guest**

**Put our service to the test**

**Tie your napkin round your neck cherie**

**And we'll provide the rest**

**Soup du jour, hot hors d'oeuvres**

**Why we only live to serve**

**Try the grey stuff, it's delicous**

**Don't beilive me? Ask the dishes**

**They can sing, they can dance**

**After all, miss, this is France**

Kitty blinks as dishes dance around her, forming an Eiffel Tower.

"Techinally, it isn.....", she starts.

"Keep singing!", shouts Kurt, "this stunt is costing us half the parody!"

Pietro blinks, then continues to sing.

**And a dinner here is never second best**

**Go on unfold your menu take a glance and then you'll**

**Be our guest, be our guest, be our guest**

Various food come dancing out in front of Kitty as Pietro sings.

**Beef ragout, cheese souffle**

**Pie and pudding, en flambe**

Todd pokes his head out of the dish as Pietro sets it alight.

"You're worse than Pyro!", he says as he drops unconsious

**We'll prepare and serve with flare**

**A culinary cabaret**

**You're alone and you're scared**

**But the banquets all prepared**

**No one's gloomy or complaining**

**While the flatwears entertaining**

**We tell jokes I do tricks**

**With my fellow candelsticks**

Two mugs appear, that look like Mesmero and Angel

**And it's all in prefect taste**

**That you can bet**, they sing

The other random objects of the house begin to sing.

**Come on and lift your glass**

**You've won your own free pass**

**To be our guest, be our guest, be our guest**

**If you're stressed, it's fine dining we suggest**, adds Pietro

**Be our guest, be our guest, be our guest.**

The music hits a down beat as the room is pitched in darkness, a spotlight falling on Pietro, who grabs Todd, hugging his neck sadly as he sings.

**Life is so unnerving**

**For a servant who's not serving**

**He's not whole without a soul to wait upon.**

"Get off!", mutters Todd as Pietro continues to sing.

**Ah those good old days when we were usefull**

**Suddenly those good old days are gone**

It suddenly begins to 'snow'. Todd looks up to see a salt shaker thowing salt on them. He sighs, rolling his eyes as Pietro sings.

**Ten years we've been rusting**

**Needing so much more than dusting**

**Needing exercise, a chance to use our skills!**

Pietro dusts the salt off Todd as Todd escapes, falling into a jelly

**Most days we just lay around the castle**

**Flabby fat and lazy**

**You walked in and oops-a-daisy**

He jumps on a spoon, catapulting Todd out of the jelly and across the room. Inside the kitchen, Hank is getting everything sorted, singing as he goes.

**It's a guest, it's a guest**

**Sakes alive, well I'll be blessed**

"It's begining to become obvious why Todd Fan wanted Hank in this role", mutters Kurt, "it's worse than 'Stars and Garters'".

"Shut up, I don't make fun of YOUR catchphrase", says Hank.

"That's because I don't have one", says Kurt, "I'm the COOL blue guy".

Hank rolls his eyes continuing to sing.

**Wine's been poured and thank the lord**

**I've had the napkins freshly pressed**

**With desert she'll want tea**

**And my dear, that's fine with me**

**While the cups do their soft shoeing**

**I'll be bubbling, I'll be brewing**

**I'll get warm, piping hot**

He pauses, seeing a dirty spot on his teapot self.

**Heavens sake, is that a spot?**

**Clean it up, we want the company impressed**

Some napkins float alogn to clean him up.

**We've got a lot to do**

The tea-trolly he is on comes in and stops by Kitty as Hank sings.

**Is it one lump or two?**

**For you our guest**

**She's our guest**, sing the appliances

**She's our guest**, sings Hank again as the whole cast begin to sing.

**She's our guest**

**Be our guest, be our guest**

**Our command is your request**

**It's been ten years since we had anbody here**

**And we're obsessed**

**With your meal, with your ease**

**Yes indeed, we aim to please**

**While the candelights still glowing**

**Let us help you, we'll keep going**

We see Pietro, wearing a candle stopper like a berret, he sings a slower beat again.

**Course by course**

**One by one**

The appliances sing in their manical way again.

**Until you shout, enough i'm done**

**Then we'll sing you off to sleep as you digest**

**Tonight you'll prop your feet up**

**But for now, let's eat up**

**Be our guest, be our guest, be out guest**

**Please be our guest!**

There is a fantastic finish, with everyone dancing, until Pietro takes the centre stage bowing

"Thank you, thank you", says Pietro, "Ahhhh me public!".

-------------

This time, you lucky readers, you get two acts instead of one! So click onwards!


	10. Exploring and escaping

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Don't mess wit' me! I'm the Stair Master! I've Mastered the Stairs! I wish I had a step right here, I could step here and here and here and step all over it!".

-------

ACT TEN - Exploring and escaping.

---------------

After the big musical number, Kitty claps...if a little nervously

"Bravo", she says, "that was....err..wonderfull!".

"Thank you, thank you, madamemoiselle", smiles Todd, "Yeah, good show wasn't it everyone?".

He points at his face

"Oh, my goodness, will ya look at the time", he says, "Now it's off ta bed, off ta bed".

"Oh, I couldn't possibly go to bed now", says Kitty, "It's my first time in an enchanted castle".

"Enchanted?", laughs Todd nervously, "Who said anythin' about the castle bein' enchanted?".

A fork toddles past them, Todd gives Pietro a glare

"It was you, wasn't it?!", he hisses.

"I err.. figured it out for myself", says Kitty with a smirk, "I'd like to look around, if that's alright?".

"Oh, you would like a tour?", says Pietro, perking up.

"Wait a second, wait a second", says Todd, "I'm not sure if that's such a good idea".

He leans in by Pietro

"We can't let her go pokin' around in certain places, if ya know what I mean", he whispers.

Kitty pokes Todd in the belly and give a grin

"Perhaps YOU could take me. I'm sure you know everything there is to know about the castle", she says, stroking his ego.

"Well actually...well yeah, I do", grins Todd...mission acomplished.

We see the small group of Kitty, Pietro and Rahne walking around following Todd as he yammers on about the castle.

"As ya can see, the pusedo facade was stripped away ta reveal a minimalist Rococo design. Note the unsua..".

"Boring! Let's fast forward!", shouts Pietro.

He grabs the magic fanfiction remote control and presses it

"Bleahblabahhehnsdsfjodsnsndodo", says Todd quickly.

Pietro stops to have everyone notice that Kitty has gone off. Pietro and Todd go after Kitty, who is heading for a staircase, the jump in front of her, blocking her way

"What's up there?", muses Kitty

"Where? Up there?", laughs Todd nervously, "Nothin'. Absolutely nothin' of interest at all in the West Wing. Dusty, dull, very borin'".

Pietro has been shaking his head until Todd nudges him, so he starts nodding

"Oh, so THAT'S the West Wing", smiles Kitty.

"Nice going, Todd!", snaps Pietro.

"I wonder what he's hiding up there?", says Kitty.

"Hiding?", squeaks Pietro, "The master is hiding nothing. Nope, not hiding a thing".

"Then it wouldn't be forbidden", points out Kitty.

Pietro pauses to think on that.

"You have to admit, that's good logic".

She steps over them and heads back up, only to have them block her way again

"Perhaps Mamoiselle would like to see something else?", tries Todd, "We have exquisite tapestries dating back ta....".

"Maybe later", says Kitty distractedly.

She steps over then again, and once more they block her

"The gardens, or the library perhaps?", says Pietro.

"You have a library?", asks Kitty excitedly.

"Oh yes, indeed!", says Todd, nodding wildly, glad to find something to distract her with.

"With books!", adds Pietro helpfully.

"Gee, how novel, a library with books!", mutters Todd, "Gads of books!".

"Mountains of books!", adds Pietro

"Forests of books", puts in Todd.

"Cascades...", starts Pietro

"Of books", Todd finishes.

"Swamps of books!", says Pietro, then smirks at Todd, "beat that, slimeball!".

"More books than you'll ever be able ta read in a lifetime", smirks Todd, "Books on every subject ever studied, by every authour who ever sat pen ta paper".

"....Okay, that was pretty good", grumbles Pietro.

Todd and Pietro head off, yammering on about the wonders of the library, not noticing that Kitty had headed up to the West Wing. When she gets to the dark and gloomy place, she enters a room. A portrait is leaning on the side, ripped up, she goes to push back a fold of it to see the picture, when she notices the rose in the jar. She goes over to it, lifting the case off the rose, going to touch it. Suddenly, Lance appears and slams the cover back on the rose.

"Why did you come here?!", he snarls.

"I'm sorry", whimpers Kitty.

The ground starts to shake

"I warned you never to come here!", growls Lance.

"I didn't mean any harm", says Kitty, backing away.

"Do you realise what you could have done!", Lance roars as the goruns shakes more violently.

"Please, stop, no", whimpers Kitty, then rolles her eyes, "this Belle is such a whimp, why doesn't she just kick him in the shin?"

"Get out. GET OUT!", roars Lance.

Kitty turns tail and runs, leaving Lance to come to his senses and realises he's been an idiot..again. Kitty grabs her coat and heads down the stairs, running past a confused Todd and Pietro

"Wh..where are you going?", squeaks Pietro.

"Promise or no promise, I can't stay here another minute!", says Kitty.

"Oh no, wait, please!", pleads Todd.

In response, Kitty slams the door shut, leaving Todd and Pietro to watch in dispair

"Bye bye legs", sniffs Pietro.

We cut to where Kitty is riding quickly through the forest with Jott

"We're back!", grins Scott.

"Bet you'd forgotten about us, huh?", smirks Jean.

Suddenly Jott stops, seeing Logan, X23 and Sabertooth

"Oh....crap", says Scott, "...I forgot about the wolves".

"Oooohhh more fresh meat", grins Sabertooth

"I get the horse!", growls Logan

"Double crap", whimpers Jean.

Jott gallops off with Kitty, being persued by Logan and Sabertooth. They runs out onto a frozen pond, but their weight makes it collapse

"Cold..very cold", shivers X23

They all get out and charge off again, until Jott freaks out and bucks Kitty off, wrapping his/her reins around a tree. Kitty watches as the 'wolves' close in on Jott

"We're gonna die!", screams Jean.

Kitty suddenly whacks Sabertooth over the head with a big stick, then looks at Logan and X23.

"Adreinaline rush", screams Kitty, "BRING IT ON!".

Both look at her and with a skint, cut the tree branch in half. Kitty looks at it.

"Oh...not good", she says.

Sabertooth has recovered and is about to jump at her when he is caught in mid air by Lance. Logan cuts a hole in Lance's shoulder with his claws while Sabertooth and X23 leap at him again. The ground shakes and a tremor knocks them all into a tree. They get up dazed.

**I'm a little tea-pot short and stout**. sings Logan

**Here's my handle and here's my spout**, sings Sabertooth

**Teapot teapot teapot**, sings X23, not familiar with the song...or any song for that matter.

They all stumble off into the woods.

"Hah!", says Lance, then blinks, "...Uh oh, going down".

He promptly collapses. Kitty gets on Jott and is about to ride away when she sighs

"God damn my consiense", she mutters.

She picks up Lance with a struggle and throws him on Jott's back, walking with Jott back towards the castle

"Jeez Alvers, you could stand to lose a few pounds", wheezes Scott.

"Shut up, horse-boy", growls Lance.

"Both of you shut up", snaps Kitty, "Scott, you're a horse and Lance is supposed to be unconcious!".

"Neigh, neigh", says Scott sarcastically.

"Zzzz", says Lance.

-----------

Oh no, Lance is hurt! Do review in your concern...until next time...


	11. Healing, planning and giving

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Love is a device invented by bank managers to make us overdrawn".

-----------

ACT 11 - Healing, planning and giving.

---------

In the castle, we see Kitty trying to look after Lance's wounds as he tries to lick them clean

"For the record..this is gross", grumbles Lance.

"Here now, oh don't do that", says Kitty, trying to grab his arm, "Just...hold still".

She dabs a wet rag onto the wound, making Lance roars in pain, the house shaking that the others running for cover

"That HURTS!", he roars.

"If you'd hold still, it wouldn't hurt as much!", snaps Kitty.

"Well, if you hadn't run away, this never would have happened!", growls Lance.

"Well, if you hadn't frightened me, I wouldn't have run away!", retorts Kitty.

"Well.....you shouldn't have been in the West Wing, hah!", says Lance, thinking he's won the argument.

"Well, you should learn to control your temper!, hah hah!", smirks Kitty.

Lance holds up a clawed finger as if to make an argument, but finds none, settling for muttering under his breath. Kitty gives a trumphant nod and carries on cleaning his wound

"Now hold still, this might sting a little", she says.

She cleans the wound, making Lance wince, but nothing more

"By the way, thank you", says Kitty quietly, "....for saving my life"

"You're welcome", replies Lance.

We fade out to the tavern, where Colossus and Pyro are talking with Magneto

"First the narrator, and now this...it's because I put my own daughter in a institution, isn't it?", he grumbles.

"What was that?", asks Wanda.

"Nothing, my dear, sweet daughter", says Magneto quickly, with a nervous laugh, "Love you. Kisses".

Magneto turns back to Colossus and Pyro

"I don't usually leave the assylum in the middle of the night, but they said that you'd make it worth my while".

Colossus tosses a bag of coins in front of Magneto

"Oooooohh metal", he giggles, floating it around, "I'm listening".

"It's like this, I've got my heart set on marrying Kitty, but she needs a little...persuasion", says Piotr.

"Heh heh. Turned him down, flat!", snorts Pyro.

Colossus hits Pyro across the head

"Everyone knows her father is a lunatic", says Piotr, ,atter-of-factly, "He was in here tonight, raving about a beast and a castle".

"Forge is harmless", says Magneto, then adds as an afterthought, "...to a degree".

"I love you, too", snorts Forge from backstage.

"The point is, Kitty would do anything to keep him from being locked up, says Piotr..

"Yeah, even marry him!", says Pyro, jutting a thumb at Piotr.

Colossus goes to hit Pyro again, who ducks under the table and whimpers

"So you want me to throw her father in the assylum unless she agrees to marry you?", asks Magneto, arching a brow.

"Yup", says Piotr with a nod

"Oh that is despicaple", says Magneto, then grins, "I love it! Let's all laugh in a villianous way now. Mwwahohoahaoahhahahahah!"

"Whoahahhahahahahhaaha!", laughs Piotr.

"Whaoahhahahhhhah COUGH ha... ", Pyro stops, "sorry, strained my vocal chords....can I have a glass of water?".

We go to Kitty and Forge's cottage, where Forge is packing to leave

"If none of those Jive Turkeys will help me, I'll go back alone", he rambles, because he's so clearly not insane, "I don't care what it takes. I'll find that castle somehow and I'll get her out of there....hey, that sounded pretty good. I could be a hero. The Amazing Forge!".

He leaves, trying to think up a theme song for the Amazing Forge, second later, Colossus, Pyro and Magneto arrive. Colossus bursts into the house.

"Kitty! Forge!", calls Piotr.

"No ones home, that's a pitty", sighs Pyro, "Oh well, I guess it's not gonna work after all".

Colossus rolls his eyes and pushes him outside

"They have to come back sometime, and when they do, we'll be ready for them", he says, "John, don't move from this spot until Kitty and her father come home".

He promptly drops Pyro into a snowbank

"But..but...i hate snow...it's cold...please don't leave me in the cold", whimpers Pyro, then sniffles, "...I need a hug".

We cut to the castle, where Kitty is in the garden, playing in the snow with Jott and Rahne. Lance, Todd and Pietro watch from the balcony

"I've never felt this way about anyone", he says, looking at his bandaged arm, "I want to do something for her...but what?".

"Well there's the usual things", says Todd, coutning them off on his fingers, "flowers, chocolates, promises ya don't intend ta keep...".

"No no no. It must be something very special. Something that sparks her inter", Pietro grins, "...wait a minute!".

We cut to a random hallway in the castle, where Lance in with Kitty outside a door

"Kitty, there's something I want to show you", says Lance, moving to open the door, then pauses, "But first, you have to close your eyes".

"Last time I closed my eyes around you Lance Alvers.....", starts Kitty.

It's a surprise", says Lance quickly.

Kitty sighs, closing her eyes, Lance waves his paw in front of her face before opening the door and leads her in.

"Can I open them?". asks Kitty.

"No no, not yet, wait here", says Lance, running around the room, opening curtains and letting light in

"NOW can I open them?", asks Kitty.

"Geez, you're impatient", mutters Lance, "All right. Now".

Kitty opens her eyes to see a huge library, she makes a happy squeak and jumps from foot to foot

"I can't believe it!. I've never seen so many books in all my life!", she says.

"You...you like it?", asks Lance.

"It's wonderfull!", smiles Kitty.

"Then it's yours".

"Really?! Cooool", says Kitty, then coughs, "....I mean, thank you!".

The objects are watching this from behind the door happily

"Oh would you look at that!", grins Hank.

"Ha ha, I knew it would work", says Pietro smugly.

"What? What works?", asks Jamie, jumping up and down, trying to see.

"It's all very encouraging", nods Todd.

"Isn't this exciting?!", grins Rogue.

"I didn't see anything!", whines Jamie.

"Come along, Jamie", says Hank, ushering him away, "There's chores to be done in the kitchen".

"But what are they talking about? What's going on?", says Jamie, then sighs, "Awww, no one ever tells me anything!".

-----------

And there is another chapter done and dusted, next up, La de da de da! Yes, well.... Do review. Until next time...


	12. Bonding

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Oh my god! Space Aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them!"

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ACT TWELVE - Bonding.

--------------

We get to the breakfast table, where Lance and Kitty are having porridge. Lance is slurping it up very messily, while Kitty watches in disgust. Jamie nudges a spoon towards Lance, who tries to eat his porridge with it, to no avail. Kitty ends up lifting her bowl and they eat it by sipping the bowls. We then fade to the garden, where they are trying to feed the birds. Kitty thinks in a singing voice as she watches him.

**There's something sweet**

**And almost kind**

**But he was mean **

**And he was coarse and unrefined**

**But now he's dear**

**And so unsure**

**I wonder why I didn't see it there before**

After much seed-throwing, they finally get some birds into Lance's claws, who also sing-thinks.

"This sing-thinking is giving me a headache", mutters Xavier as Lance sing-thinks.

**She glanced this way**

**I thought I saw**

**And when we touched**

**She didn't shudder at my paw**

**No it can't be**

**I'll just ignore**

**But then she's never looked at me that way before**

Kitty ducks behind a tree, trying to figure out what is up with her, while she sing-thinks.

"If you don't stop this, I'll 'shut off' all your minds!!!", screams Xavier.

**New and a bit alarming**

**Who'd have ever thought that this could be?**

**True, that he's no Prince Charming**

**But there's something in him that I simply didn't see**

Suddenly, Kitty and Lance slump to the floor as Xavier turns off their minds for a while. The objects watch as he wheels off, manically laughing.

**Well who'd have thought?**, sings Pietro.

**Well bless my soul**, sings Hank.

**And who'd have known?**, sings Todd.

**Well who indeed?**, form Hank

**And who'd have guessed they'd come together on their own?**, sings Pietro

**It's so peculiar**, agrees Hank.

And then they all decide to sing together......

**We'll wait and see**

**A few days more**

**There may be something there that wasn't there before**

We cut to where Lance and Kitty are reading in front of a roaring fireplace

**Yeah, perhaps there's somethin' there that wasn't there before, **sings Todd from where he and the other objects are hiding behind a door.

"What?", asks Jamie, confused.

**There may be something there that wasn't there before**, sings Hank, ignoring Jamie.

"What's there mamma?", asks Jamie again.

"I'll tell you when you're older", replies Hank

"Grown-ups ALWAYS say that!", shoutes Jamie, "when am I gonna BE 'older'?!!"

We move on a while and we see Lance getting washed in a tub ready for a night with Kitty.

"Tonight is the night!", says Pietro, then grimaces, "why do I have to be in the same room as naked Lance?"

"Alot of fangirls would KILL to be in your position, Mister", says Kurt,

"I'm not sure I can do this", mutters Lance from the tub, wanting to move the conversation form the fangirls who stalk him.

"Don't be a wuss, Wuss!", snaps Pietro, "You must be bold, daring!".

"Bold, daring", says Lance as he leaves the tub, shaking himself dry, trying to hide parts of his anatomy from the rabid fangirls.

"There will be music", says Pietro, "Romantic candelight, provided by myself, and when the time is right, you confess your love".

"Yes", says Lance, then falters, "I..I..I no, I can't".

"Oh no you don't, I want my legs back", snaps Pietro, smacking him across the head, "You care for the girl, don't you?".

"More than anything", whispers Lance as Storm, a coat rack, starts to manically clip his fur with scissors.

"Then you must tell her", says Pietro, winces as Storm finishes, "Voilla, you look so..so....".

Lance sees himself in the mirror, dolled out in bows and pig-tails

"Stupid", mutters Lance.

"Well, that's the last time I waste my fashion sense on YOU", snorts Storm,.

"Not quite the word I was looking for...okay, maybe it was", shrugs Pietro, "Perhaps a little more off the top?".

Storm moodily fixes it as Todd enters, clearing his throat.

"Ahem, ahem, ahem, your lady awaits", he smiles.

Lance and Kitty meet up at the staircase, all dressed up and head off into the ballroom

"Yeah, my big number, baby!", grins Hank, begining to sing.

**Tale as old as time**

**True as it can be**

**Barely even friends**

**Then somebody bends unexpectedly**

**Just a little change**

**Small to say the least**

**Both a little scared**

**Neither one prepared**

**Beauty and the....**

Beast stops

"That's not right...", he murmers, "Todd Fan, Kitty and the Rocktumbler don't fit in the lyrics! Somebody didn't plan ahead!"

Kurt 'ports in, whispers in Hank's ear, who sighs, waving for Kurt to go away

"Fine", he mutters.

We see Kitty and Lance dancing in the ballroom as Hank continues to sing.

**Ever just the same**

**Ever a suprise**

**Ever as before, ever just as sure**

**As the sun will rise**

**Tale as old as time**

**Tune as old as song**

**Bittersweet and strange**

**Finding you can change**

**Learning you were wrong**

**Certain as the sun**

**Rising n the east**

**Tale as old as time**

**Song as old as rhyme**

**La de da de da**

He looks at Kurt who gives him a tumbs-up

"God, that;'s degreading", he groans as he sings.

**Tale as old as time**

**Song as old as rhyme**

**La de da de da**

He pushes a half-asleep Jamie along

"Off to the cuboard with you now, Jamie", he says, "It's past your bedtime"

We watch Jamie hop off, muttering about child labour laws and putting children in cupboards.

-------------------

Another chappie done and dusted. Please do review. Until next time...


	13. Release

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "Cyrus is a poster child for the criminally insane".

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ACT THIRTEEN - Release.

---------------

After the whole musical dance scene, Lance and Kitty go off to a balcony, where they sit happily

"Kitty?", Lance asks, "Are you happy here with me?".

"Yes", rpelies Kitty, before sighing, looking into the distance.

"You could at least TRY to be honest", mutters Lance, "What is it?".

"If only I could see my father again, just for a moment", says Kitty, "I miss him so much".

"Awww, she misses me", says Forge form backstage.

Lance sighs before grinning

"Ooooh I got a way, and because I am a lovesick idiot, I'll show you".

They go into his lair and he hands her the magic mirror

"This mirror will show you anything, anything you wish to see", he explains, then pauses, "....except the inside of the girls locker room...not that i've tried....".

Kitty looks into the mirror before taking a deep breath

"I'd like to see my father, please", she says.

The mirror sparkles, then shows a picture of Mr Pryde mowing the lawn

"Er....wrong one", says Kitty, clearing her throat.

The mirror flashes again, then shows Forge lost in the woods, coughing and ill

"Papa, oh no!", gasps Kitty, "He's sick, and he may be dying, and..."

"Whoah!", says Forge, suddenly sitting up in the snow, "No one said anything about dying!".

"Shut up you and be ill!", snaps Kurt, "or I'll make sure you'll be dying for real!"

"Sorry", says Forge, "cough cough..splutter".

"....he's all alone", finishes Kitty.

Lance looks at the rose and sighs, turning back to Kitty

"Then...then you must go to him", he whispers.

"What did you say?", asks Kitty, wide eyed.

"I release you", says Lance, looking away, "You are no longer my prisoner".

"You mean...I'm free?".

"You need a written invitation?!", growls Lance, before sihging, "Yes".

"Oh thank you!", says Kitty, grinning, "Hold on Papa, i'm on my way!".

"He can't hear you...the mirror is not a phone", mutters Lance.

Kitty goes to leave and gives the mirror to Lance, who gives it back to her

"Take it with you, so you'll always have a way to look back, and remember me", he says, then pauses, "and thus begins my undoing"

"Gambit gonna cry!", cries Gambit from backstage, "It's not fair!".

Kurt smacks Gambit across the head with his own bo staff

"Snap out of eet, man!".

"Sorry", Remy said, "I back now...carry on".

We go back to the balcony scene

"Thank you for understanding how much he means to me", sighs Kitty, touching Lance's cheek before running off.

Todd smiles at her, blissfulyl unaware as he enters.

"Well, your highness, I must say everythin' is goin' just peachy", he says, "I knew ya had it in ya".

"I let her go", whispers Lance.

"Ha ha ha, yes splen.....", Todd blinks, before losing it, "ya WHAT? How could ya do that?!!!!"

"I had to", shrugs Lance.

"Yes but...", Todd sniffles, "why?".

"Because I love her", replies Lance.

We hear a Cajun whimper backstage, which is silenced by another whack. We cut to another part of the castle, where Todd is telling the other objects what has happened

"He did what?!", shouts the objects.

"Yep, I'm afraid it's true", sighs Todd.

"She's going away?", whimpers Jamie.

"But he was so close", sighs Pietro, before throwing a hissy fit, "I knew he'd screw it up! I TOLD him that I should have done it!".

"After all this time, he's finally learned to love", says Hank, stating the obvious.

"That's it then! That should break the spell!", said Pietro, looking around expectantly, "Why haven't I got my feet back yet? Waaaaiiiiiting!".

"But it's not enough", points out Hank, "She has to love him in return".

"And now it's too late", sighs Todd, no one noticing Jamie sneak away.

We see Kitty leave the castle on Jott, Lance watches from his balcony, roaring in sadness

"Hah! You're a loser, Alvers!", laughs Scott.

"Scott! Show some sympathy!", snaps Jean

"Sorry dear", whimpers Scott.

Kitty kicks Jott into galloping away. We finally come to where Forge is face down in the snow

"I'm making a snow angel!", giggles Forge, slightly delirious from the cold.

"No you're not, you're unconcious!", snaps Kitty.

"Sorry...being unconcious", replies Forge, collapsing in the snow.

We cut back to the cottage, where Kitty and Forge return home, Pyro is outside, disguised as a snowman

"Oh they're back....", he says, trying to escape his snowy prison, "Storm...you can thaw me out now....Storm?".

"No!", snaps Storm, "I'm still peeved over Lance insulting my sense of style!"

"I hate you", mutters Pyro, rolling off.

In the cottage, Forge comes around

"Ugh...I feel like i've had too many Slurpies", he groans.

"It's alright Papa, I'm home", says Kitty.

"Oh gee, I feel so safe now", says Forge in monotone, befpre being smacked by Kurt, "I mean..I thought I'd never see you again"

"I missed you so much", says Kitty, hugging his head.

"No you didn't, you were galavanting with Lance!", he snaps, "but the beast? How did you esacpe?".

"I didn't escape, Papa", says Kitty, "He let me go".

"That horrible beast?", asks Forge, shocked.

"Watch it Gadget Boy!", snarls Lance from backstage.

"But he's different now", says Kitty, looking into the distance, "He's changed somehow".

Forge blinks, waving a hand in front of Kitty's face, getting no response. He shrugs. After a few moments, there is a sound from Kitty's backpack and Jamie falls out with the magic mirror.

"Hi!", says Jamie cheerfully.

"Oh, a stowaway!", giggles Kitty.

"Why, hello there, little groovy dude", says Forge, "Didn't think I'd ever see you again...my character's not very optimistic, is he?".

Jamie gives Kitty the puppy-dog face

"Kitty, why did you go away? Don't you like us anymore?", he whimpers, before grinning, waggling his eyebrows, "Oooh, if you're off Lance, can I date you?".

"No!", snaps Kitty, "Of course I still like you, it's just.....".

She is interupted by a knock on the door, she goes to open it to see Magneto

"May I help you?", she asks.

"I've come to collect your father", grins Magneto evily.

He steps aside to show the Asylum D' Loons wagon behind him

"Bummer", says Forge.

------

There we go, another chapter down. Please do review. I hope everyone has a great holiday! Until next time....


	14. Creating a mob in three easy steps

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "It's a pity he uses his powers for evil, rather than to entertain children at parties"

---------

This chapter goes to my poor 12 year old cat, who has bruised her spine, and hasn't been able to walk today, but is trying her best to get back to her feet.

-----------

ACT FOURTEEN: Creating a mob in three easy steps

------------

We go back to where Kitty is staring at the looney bin wagon

"My father?", asks Kitty, just to clarify.

"Don't worry Madammoiselle", grins Magneto evily, "We'll take good care of him".

"My father's not crazy!", protests Kitty, "...well not THAT crazy".

"Thanks for the vote of confidence there, Kit", mutters Forge from inside.

Pyro emerges from the crowd

"He was raving like a luantic!", he laughs, "We all heard him, didn't we?!".

"Yeah!", shout the drunks.

"I'll hunt every one of you down, kill you and make it look like an accident", growls Forge.

"No I won't let you!", snaps Kitty at the mob.

Forge walks out with an axe

"Okay, who wants some?!", he shouts.

"Ah, Forge", smirks Pyro, "Tell us again, old man...".

"I remind you i have an axe", says Forge, his eye twitching, "...I'm an inventor on the edge!".

"I mean, tell us again, man who looks very very good for his age", corrects Pyro, "just how big was this beast?".

"Well...he was..wiggy man! humungous!", shouts Forge, "Eight, no more like ten feet!".

The crowd laugh at him.

"Well, you don't get much crazier than that!", says Pyro.

"You'd be a good judge of sanity Pyro", growls, Forge, "It's true I tell you. You Jive Turkey!".

Magneto clicks his fingers and Sam and Roberto pick up Forge by his arms, dragging him off

"Take him away", says Pyro with a manical laugh.

"Let go of me", shouts Forge, "Hey, that arm's fake, if it drops off, i'll drop you!".

"No! You can't do this!", shouts Kitty, being ignored, "WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?!!!"

Magneto shakes Kitty off him and walks to the wagon. Colossus steps up from the crowd and walks to Kitty.

"Tsk tsk tsk. Poor Kitty", says Piotr, "It's a shame about your father".

"You know he's not crazy, Piotr!", says Kitty.

"Uhhhhhh.......sure", said Piotr, clearing his throat, "I might be able to clear up this little missunderstanding if....".

"If what?", asks Kitty, frowning slightly.

"If you marry me", says Piotr.

"Dun dun DUUUUUUN!", shouts Kurt, then pauses, "sorry...got caught up in the moment"

"What?", saks Kitty, backing off.

"One little word, Kitty", says Piotr, "That's all it takes".

"Never!", growls Kitty.

"That is not the word", said Piotr, "Have it your way".

Roberto and Sam toss Forge into the waggon

"I knew they'd come for me eventually", sniffs Forge, "I'm NOT going to be a model patient. Hey, maybe Wanda knows a way out!".

Kitty runs ito the house, then runs back out with the magic mirror

"My father's not crazy and I can prove it", she says, holding up the mirror to the crowd, "Show me the Beast".

The mirror shows Hank standing in front of a mirror.

"You know, this frilly hat really bring out my eyes", he muses.

"WRONG BEAST, WRONG BEAST!!!", screams Kitty.

"Oh, Gods, my eyes", cries Pyro.

The mirror shows a picture of Lance, who is playing solitare, he blinks

"Oh...my part", he clears his throat, "Roaaaarrrr snarllll hisss growl".

The crowd gasps

"Is it dangerous?", asks Bobby.

"Oh no, he'd never hurt anyone", says Kitty, gazing at the mirror, "Please, I know he looks vicious, but he's really kind and gentle..he's my friend".

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you had feelings for this monster", mutters Piotr.

"No duh", says Kitty, "He's no monster, Piotr, you are!".

Colossus grabs the mirror from her

She's as crazy as the old...Ii mean man who looks very very good for his age", he says, "The beast will make off with your children. He'll come after them in the night".

"No!", protests Kitty.

"We're not safe until he's mounted on my wall", shouts Piotr, "I say we kill the beast!".

**We're not safe until he's dead**, sings Ray

**He'll come stalking us at night**, sings Bobby

**Set to sacrifice out children with his monsterous appitite**, sings Sam

Jubilee nods, signing herself.

**He'll wreak havok on our village**

**If we let him wander free**

Piotr grabs a torch, getting to the front of the mob, singing.

**So it's time to take some action boys..and girls**

**It's time to follow me!**

Amara make a fire and Pyro stokes it, making it into immages of Lance snarling as Piotr sings

**Through the mist, through the woods**

**Through the darkness and the shadows**

**It's a nightmare but it's one exciting ride**

**Say a prayer, then we're there**

**At the drawbridge of of a castle**

**And there's something truley terrible inside**

Pyro makes the flames go higher, transforming into a huge beast as Piotr continues to sing.

**It's a beast**

**He's got fangs, razor sharp ones**

**Massive paws**

**Killer claws for the feast**

**Hear him roar, see him foam**

**But we're not coming home**

**'Till he's dead, good and dead, kill the beast!**

"No, I won't let you do this!", shouts Kitty, trying to get in the way.

"If you're not with us, you're against us", snaps Piotr, "Bring the man who looks very very good for his age!".

Sam and Roberto pull Forge out of the waggon again

"Oh yeah, it's go time", says Forge, putting up his fists, "Come on, I'll take you all!".

They toss him and Kitty into the basement, locking the door

"....Or not", says Forge

"We can't have them running off to warn the creature", says Piotr with a evil laugh, "evil laughs hurt my throat"

"Let us out!", shouts Kitty, banging on the door.

"Why don't you just phase out once they're gone?", asks Forge then sighs, "...man, it hurts my neck lugging this big brain around!".

"We'll rid the village of this beast", shouts Piotr, "Who's with me?".

"We are!", shout the mob, then begiun to sing as they begin to march.

**Light your torch mount your horse**

**Screw your courage to the sticking place,** sing Piotr, then blinks, "....okay then"

The mob blink, before shrugging, continuing to sing.

**We're counting on Piotr to lead the way**

**Through a mist, to a wood**

**Where within a haunted castle**

**Somethings lurking that you don't see everyday**

Piotr leads the mob through the forest, cutting up trees to get ready to attack the castle as the mob continues to sing

**It's a beast**

**One as tall as a mountain**

**We won't rest**

**'Till he's good and deceased**

**Sally fourth, tally ho**

**Grab your sword, grab your bow**

**Praise the lord and here we go**

"We'll lay seige to the castle and bring back his head!", shouts Piotr.

In the cottage, Kitty is trying to phase through the door, standing on Forge's shoulders

"Heavy....very heavy", gasps Forge

"Shut up!", hisses Kitty, stamping on his head, "I have to warn Lance!. This is all my fault. Oh Papa, what are we going to do?!".

"You can start by hurrying up and getting off my shoulders before I collapse", he squeaks.

Outside, we see Jamie looking in, then seeing Forge's axe machine, giving an evil-kid-grin. We got back to the mob, who are still singing.

**We don't like, what we don't**

**Understand, it frankly scares us**

**And this monster is mysterious at least**

**Bring your guns, bring your knifes**

**Save your children and your wives**

"And husbands", adds Tabby, then the mob sings.

**We'll save our village and our lives**

**We'll kill the beast!**

--------------

Ooooohh the next chapter is the last, please do reveiew. Until next time...


	15. Attack and end

Kitty and the Rocktumbler

By Todd Fan

Disclaimer: "When a fire starts to burn there's a lesson you must learn, something-something then you'll see, you'll avoid catastrophe, D'oh!".

-----------

MagCat - Aww, shucks, thanks. A parody with Wanda and St John as the main couple? Keep watching this space, I'm planning a parody with just that..well, once I have a good few of my older parodies back up ;)

----

ACT FIFTEEN: Attack and end

-----------

In the castle, the objects are thinking about their fate

"I knew it!", moans Todd, "I knew it was foolish ta keep our hopes up!".

"Maybe it would have been better if she hadn't come at all", mutters Pietro.

Rahne suddenly bounds up

"Woof woof woof", she says.

"What's that Rahne?", asks Todd, "Timmy's stuck down the well?!".

"Grrrr woof woof wooooooof", growls Rahne

The objects rush to the window

"Could it be?", says Pietro

"Is it she?", adds Hank.

"Why are you guys speaking in rhyme?", asks Todd, "this 'aint a Doctor Seuss movie, ay know"

They see the mob charging at the castle.

"Sacre bleu, invaders!", gasps Pietro

"Encroachers!", snaps Todd

"And they've got the mirror!", points out Hank.

"Warn the master. If it's a fight they want, we'll be ready fer them", shouts Todd, "Who's with me?".

He turns to see the others have left him behind

"Well..fine!", he mutters.

Outside, Piotr starts to organise a battering ram

"Take whatever booty you can find, but remember the beast is mine!", he says as, inside, the objects gather together, begining to sing.

**Hearts ablaze, banners high**

**We go marching into battle**

**Unafraid, although the danger just increased**

Outside the mob sing also

**Raise the flag, sing the song**

**Here we come we're fifty strong**

**And fifty Fr.....mutant's and Amanda can't be wrong**

**Let's kill the beast!**

In Lance's lair, Hank hops in.

"Pardon me, master", he says, clearing his throat

"Leave me in peace", says Lance miserably.

"But sir, the castle is under attack!", protests Hank.

Outside, the mob begin to batter the castles door, which the objects have blocked with themselves, as the mob sing.

**Kill the beast, kill the beast**

"This isn't working!", mutters Pietro as the doors heave

"Oh, Pietro, we must do something", says Rogue, then rolls her eyes, "a'hm SO hatin' ,ma'h character".

"I have a few idea's", grins Pietro, waggling his eyebrows at her, "rowwwl".

"Not that!", snaps Rogue, smacking him on the head as the mob continue to sing.

**Kill the beast, kill the beast**

In Lance's lair, Hank is still trying to spur Lance into some form of action other than moping.

"What shall we do, master?", he asks.

"It doesn't matter now", sighs Lance, "just let them come".

"Damn teenagers", mutters Hank.

**Kill the beast, kill the beast**, sing the mob.

The mob breaks in, finding the hall filled with assorted objects. Pyro picks up Pietro without realising it

"Now!", shouts Pietro.

The objects spring to life, attacking the mob. Back at the cottage, Jamie has got Forge's machine working

"Yes!", he laughs, jumping on it, "Here we go! Jamie's gonna save the day. Dum de de duuum!".

Kitty phases her head out of the door, see's the advancing axe, screams and falls back in, landing on Forge

"Ouch", groans Forge from the floor.

The invention crashes through the door and crashes into the wall, Jamie hanging from a loose spring

"Aww man, that took me all of five minutes to build!", whines Forge

"You guys gotta try this thing", grins Jamie.

Back in the castle, the battle is raging on. Mystique throws herself off a balcony, landing on Alex. Ray runs at her, and she yanks him in, he falls out dressed in womens clothing)

"Well...that's embarssing", says Ray, blinking.

Pyro starts a fire and rages it by Pietro, melting him, Todd hits him with a big stick. Amanda starts to pluck out all of Rogue's feathers, Pietro runs up and burns her, making her drop Rogue into his arms. Rahne runs into the kitchen, followed by a small part of the mob. They get in and a load of knives appear and Freddy starts a big fire

"Mwahoahahahahahahhahaha!", laughs Freddy

"Run away!", screams Evan, doing so.

Eventually the intuders are seen off and Pietro kisses Todd on both cheek

"Gerroff!", says Todd, batting him off, "people'll start ta talk!"

Piotr finds Lance's lair and takes aim with an arrow. Lance just looks at him sadly.

"Do I have to shoot him", says Piotr, "he looks so sad and helpless".

"You're a VILLIAN!", snaps Kurt, "it's vhat you DO. Now shoot him, or I'll shoot YOU!"

Piotr winces.

"Sorry", he says, shooting Lance in the arm with his arrow.

"Geez, that hurt!", screams Lance.

Piotr tackles him and they both fly out of the window, landing on the roof. Storm has made a thunderstorm, complete with rain

"Make fun of MY hairstyles, HUH HUH?!!", she laughs manically.

Piotr stands over the sad and depressed form of Lance

"Get up, get up! What's the matter beast?", he sneers, "Too kind and gentle to fight back?...So very sorry"

Lance ignores him, Piotr picks up a piece of roof and is about to clonk Lance over the head with it when Kitty, Forge, Jamie and Jott show up.

"Good, this means I don't have to hit him", sighs Piotr.

"No!", cries Kitty

"Kitty?", asks Lance, amazed.

"Piotr, don't!", shouts Kitty.

"I don't want to, I really don't", sobs Piotr.

Piotr sadly goes to hit Lance again, only to have Lance grab the weapon, the ground starts to shakes and they fight. Lance hides among some gargoyles while Piotr stalks around.

"Come out and fight! Did you love her, beast?", he asks, "Do you honestly think she'd want someone like you, when she could have someone like me?".

The ground shakes again

"It's over, beast!", says Piotr, "Kitty is mine".

The ground shakes more and Piotr stumbles, being caught by the throat by Lance, who dangles him over the roof

"Mother", squeaks Piotr, "Put me down. Put me down. Please, don't hurt me, I'll do anything, anything!".

**Anything for you!**, sings Storm

"For the love of....", growls Kurt, banging his head against a prop wall.

Lance looks at Piotr before sighing, pulling him back onto the roof

"Get out", he growls.

He lets go of Piotr and looks up to see Kitty has made it to the balcony

"Lance!", she smiles

"Kitty!", he calls back.

"Cue romantic, being reuinited music", grins Kurt.

Lance climbs up the roof towards her

"Kitty, you came back", he whispers.

Suddenly, Lance roars in pain as Piotr stabs him with a dagger. As he reels back, he knocks Piotr off the roof, who falls to his death

"I still didn't mean it!", he sighs, "sorry"

Kitty pulls the injured Lance inside lying him down

"You came back", says Lance...again.

"Of course I came back. I couldn't let them...oh this is all my fault", Kitty sighs, "If only I'd gotten here sooner".

"Maybe it's better this way", says Lance, wincing.

"Don't talk like that. You'll be alright", says Kitty with a sniffle, "We're together now. Everything's going to be fine, you'll see".

"At least I got to see you..one..last..time", says Lance quietly.

"Waaaahhhhhhhhhhh!", cries Remy backstage

"Gambit, you're ruining ze moment", hisses Kurt.

Remy sniffles, running off to cry in a corner.

Kitty puts Lance's paw to her cheek, he keeps it there, before closing his eyes and letting it drop, going limp

"He dies?!!!", says Pietro, "what sort of an ending is THAT? It's like Titanic!"

"No no. Please please!", whispers Kitty, "Please..don't leave me!. I love you".

The objects watch sadly as the last rose petal falls. Suddenly, beams of light fall around the couple. Lance suddenly lifts into the air and gets wrapped up in his cloak, We see him shifting form, into...well...Lance. He finally lands back to the ground and sits up with a groan, looking at his hands. Kitty looks at him with a raised eyebrow

"Kitty, i'ts me!", he says, "not dead"

Kitty glances at his eyes before smiling

"It is you!", she says happily

They kiss and fireworks hit the castle, making all the darkness and demons turn to light and cherubs. The objects come out and become their normal selves, Jason stops waving his hands around

"Okay, I'm taking a long earned vacation in Hawaii, ta!", he says, walking off.

"Pietro, Todd, Beast, Look at us!", he grins, hugging them all.

Jamie comes in, riding on Rahne's back, then they change back. Rahne gasps, collapsing on the floor.

"Heavy", she winces as she changes into human form.

"It is a miracle!", shouts Pietro, "God bless us, everyone!!"

The couple spin around, and the scene changes to a ballroom, where they go about dancing and..stuff

"Ahh lamoure", sighs Pietro.

Rogue walks past him, dusting him with a feather duster before sauntering off. He wiggles his eyebrows and goes after her, being pushed back by Todd

"Well Pietro, old buddy, o'l pal", he says, "Shall we let bygones be bygones?".

"If you let me chase hot girls, yeah!", snaps Pietro, then adds smugly, "I told you she would break the spell".

"I beg ya pardon, 'ol friend, but I believe I told YOU", shouts Todd.

"No you didn't. I told you", snaps Pietro

"You most certainally did not!", hisses Todd, "you pompus, parafin-headed pea-brain!".

"En guarde, you overgrown pocket watch!", snaps Pietro

They starts to fight, rolling past Jamie, Hank and Forge

"Are they gonna live happily ever after, Momma?", Jamie asks."

"Pietro and Todd?", asks Hank, "...oh you mean Lance and Kitty..yeah..I guess"

He tries to straighten out his dress.

"Pink is your colour", smirks Forge

"Shut up, Forge", growls Hank.

"Watcha gonna do, Mrs Bigfoot?", chuckles Forge, "hit me with a rolling pin?"

"DIE!", roars Hank, chasing after Forge.

"Guys?..can I say my line?", asks Jamie.

Everyone ignores ihm, too busy fighting.

"Okay..fine", sighs Jamie, "Do I still have to sleep in the cuboard?".

Once again he is ignored

"This is the story of my life", says Jamie sadly, "I can become many, yet I am always alone".

A banner falls down over the scene as a chorus starts up.

**Certain as the sun**

**Rising in the East**

**Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme**

**La de da de da**

**Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme**

**La de da de da**

Kurt pops up

"It's over..thank God", he sighs, then blinks, listening in on his headphones, "Vhat do you mean, i still have a few minutes? Okay fine!".

He smiles at the audience

"How about an afterview?", he asks, "Lance and Kitty, argued right after this and ran off, ze vord 'hood' vas mentioned alot. Pietro and Todd tried to kill each other, until Rogue knocked them both out. Hank is having an idenity crisis and Jamie has gone to a support group. Piotr is okay...after ve got ze dents out of his metal. Ve pushed Forge into an early mid-life crisis and Vanda had to hex-bolt him to shut him up. Rahne, Sabertooth and Logan vent out drinking and didn't come back. If you find zem, call 0189-come-home-pets. Ve sold Jott to make glue. Pyro set fire to a few things, Bobby froze his tounge to a lampost..that vas about it. Okay..bye bye now...Bye bye..Go now.........are they gone? Ugh, thank God, never, ever again! Damn Todd Fan. Vhat do you mean it's still on? Oh...gah!".

END

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Ahh I couldn't resist keeping that end bit in. So there you go. Which parody should I do next? I have no idea, stick what you think in the reviews and I'll see which is most popular, as I have forgotten their order. Do review. Thanks for reading!


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